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lisa never dated. it's not that she didn't feel ready. she just didn't want a relationship at the moment. also because all of her past experiences with men trying to court her had left her very very disappointed. so when she finally gathered the courage to start looking. . .is when she realized that she felt attracted to girls too. specifically, the moment she realized she wasn't straight, was when she started to look at chaeyoung a little bit more differently.
the two had been friends since their junior year of highschool. at the time lisa was the new transfer student, who would often get teased for the way she pronounced certain words and chaeyoung happened to be the only one who stood up to these bullies and eventually befriended her. their friendship was everything lisa could ask for, in all honesty. chaeyoung was the compassionate friend, the one that would always support you emotionally no matter what, the one who always tried to bring positivity into the table. she was caring, she was sweet, she was funny. . .and she was also bi.
lisa fully supported her. even though sexuality was still a taboo topic in south korea, she fully supported chaeyoung for being open with her. the two shared a special bond and lisa would often fear it breaking. she found herself feel envious whenever chaeyoung talked to other girls or whenever she flirted with them, but never really said anything about it. envy was a sin, something that stirred things inside of her and something she didn't want to feel. so she kept quiet and continued supporting chaeyoung, even though deep inside it somehow hurt. lisa couldn't really see herself dating chaeyoung, but she couldn't see chaeyoung dating someone else either. it was complicated. did she like chaeyoung or did she just want her company?
it wasn't until the two kissed a few years later, that lisa felt something. a spark. it made her heart race and it made her feel as the world was colorful once more. it was strange. lisa had never actually felt that before. at least, not with a girl. so when it happened, she was quite puzzled. this was new territory she was stepping on and to her it felt that the moment she would actually cross that line between her current self and her new identity, everything would change. everything.
which is what she feared. she feared she'd be frowned upon. she feared she'd be looked at differently. she feared she'd be bullied for it.
truth was, she wanted to believe that kiss with chaeyoung was the one that made her heart race. but, it was someone else she kissed. it was a mistake. she was drunk that night, pouring her heart out to chaeyoung's other friend, jisoo. it wasn't until jisoo asked her if what she felt for chaeyoung came from her insecurities or from her actual heart and lisa didn't have the answer. she didn't even know what to tell her. and when jisoo finally leaned in and looked into her eyes silently, as if asking for permission, lisa was the one who kissed her right away. she found herself crawling on jisoo's lap and deepening the kiss even more. sparks exploded like fireworks. lisa felt her heart race, her cheeks heat up. she liked it. she'd never kissed a girl while she was drunk, but she enjoyed it.
she and jisoo never really spoke about the kiss they shared anymore and it just so happened that lisa would avoid the girl whenever the two bumped into each-other on campus. she didn't even know why she was avoiding her. did she feel embarrassed that she shared that moment with her? embarrassed that she was so vulnerable that night? embarrassed that she actually enjoyed kissing chaeyoung's friend, but not chaeyoung? or was she mad about it?
she didn't know. her head was in a storm and she couldn't wait to get out of it.
yet, when jisoo called her earlier, telling her about how chaeyoung ran out of the café they went to and never came back, lisa could feel the way her skin started to burn, because she had an idea of where her best friend could've gone to. there was only one person that would make her leave like that.
and that was kim jennie.
lisa never really liked the girl. she hadn't met her before, but from what she had heard from chaeyoung, she seemed like a pile of trouble. and chaeyoung already had enough to deal with. and yet, it's like reverse psychology is taking a toll on her. lisa had told her to stay away, but that had probably only intrigued chaeyoung more. it was sad, how her friend would be willing to give everything up to chase after this girl. a girl who seemed broken beyond repair.
"where the hell are you?"
"uh," she could hear chaeyoung hesitate on the other side. "i'm with a friend."
"jennie?"
when chaeyoung didn't answer, lisa felt like cussing at her.
"of course. of course, you'd be with her."
"now, what's that supposed to mean?" chaeyoung asked, sounding sad.
lisa frowned. "it means you're ready to run out the door and leave us hanging whenever she magically appears. you know, jisoo waited for you for an hour, but you didn't show up. nor did you answer her calls. do you have any idea how worried she was? how worried i am?"
"i'm sorry, i thought i told jisoo not to wait up for me before i left the café."
"well, you didn't."
"i'm sorry."
there was a moment of silence. all lisa could hear was chaeyoung's steady breathing on the other side of the phone and her own heartbeat.
"um, i gotta go now." chaeyoung was the first one to break the silence.
"where are you?"
"bye."
and with that, she hung up. lisa couldn't help but sigh as she leaned back on her couch. she hated this. she really, really, really hated this. ____ a/n: downpour will be ending soon.
