Specularis (The Order - Vermish)

3: It's getting late, I better take you home

"Hamish, over here!"

"Hey."

"Wait, you brought Vera along."

"I'm sorry she insisted."

"No, that's fine. Just surprised to see her at all, to be honest." He nodded at Vera's direction.

"Mr. Morton, how have you been?" She gave him a sympathetic smile but added no further to her question.

"Just peachy, Vera." Jack's sarcasm didn't hit quite the same as before, it was disconcerting.

"Should I make myself scarce? Give you two time to discuss?"

"Nah, it's fine. You can stay." I took that as his cue for me to talk.

"So, Jack, what have you been up to these past few days?"

"Well," Jack motions his head towards something behind his back, only to reveal a still unburied, still dead Alyssa.

"What the hell?"

"I know. I just- I don't know what to do."

"So you've been what? Staring at her corpse?" A bit harsh, but it was exactly how I intended to respond.

"When you put it like that, it definitely seems worse. Let's just think about this as me processing everything. I'm not sure I want her dead, but bringing back people to life, that's an obvious red flag, right?" He looked from me to Vera, who only tilted her head to the side. "Don't get me wrong- there's nothing I wouldn't do for her, but I'm shitting myself at the possibility that I'm bringing back something else that's not Alyssa or being too selfish that I might hurt her in the process."

"Okay. I get it. You need time, but this isn't any better. For either of you." And it really wasn't. Imagine having to look at your ex-girlfriend's rotting corpse, all these flies flying around the lifeless body. Add in the fact that you have to decide whether she lived again or stayed dead- that's just brutal.

Jack's eyes were now red with exhaustion, and what I suspected was a signal that he was close to crying. I motion for him to come towards me, and I embraced him. He didn't cry; he's probably done that for quite some days. But I knew he could use a hug right now.

"Now, now. I'm not gonna lie to you, Jack. This is never gonna be any easier. Believe me, I've experienced this before. And not metaphorically anymore." I chuckled softly after remembering our conversation almost a year ago. "But you know what I learned after Cassie? That despite how powerful you may feel as a Knight; as a wolf, at the end of the day, you're also- mostly just human. And being human means that death is inevitable, and most of the time irreversible. But believe me, no matter which choice you make, we've got your back, buddy."

After registering what I've said, I couldn't help but look at Vera and notice how uncomfortably familiar I was with this type of situation. It was hard not to be afraid about the likelihood that Vera's fate hinted at disasters when she wasn't willing to let me in at all.

We were back at the Temple after Vera wanted me to drop her off to 'continue her work' when she praised me for what happened earlier. "That was wonderful how you dealt with Jack. I can now see why you were their leader."

With the desk right between us, I felt the fight in me getting stronger.

"What were you doing there, Vera? Honestly." That threw her off guard. "Was Alyssa part of your plan?"

"Hamish, I told you-"

"Yes, I know what you've told me, but forgive me, I'm more concerned about what you haven't and why you haven't." My breathing was erratic, and my temper gradually plummeting. "Seeing Jack so distraught- it was like Cassie all over again. And I know it's selfish to think about myself when my friend was grieving right in front of me, but you were also right there for god knows what reason. And this secrecy is making me feel like I'm about to grieve someone that I- I care about so much. All over again."

"Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"Alyssa was an option."

"What- were you going to rip her heart out?"

"Yes."

"And that's why you came along?"

"Mostly, yes." I waited for her to go on. "I wanted to see Mr. Morton."

I bobbed my head up and down, eventually catching up to speed with what her motives really were today. "To gauge his reaction, and if it satisfied you, you thought it would make your decision easier?"

"It's like you know me better than I do myself." She laughed hesitantly.

"Vera, come here." I went closer to her and circled my arms around her.

"Why?"

"Why? Because I understand. All I need is the certainty that you're going to be safe. I'm not gonna judge you for killing someone already dead. Especially not for killing. In fact, I'm not gonna judge; period. I'm no saint, Vera. And I'm not about to start acting like one, so please don't be afraid of me."

Once everything was (kind of) resolved, Vera excused herself to resume her obligations. Obligations which she still hadn't told me, but I figured that for now, I was going to assume she's not gonna be able to get herself in danger's way, so I decided to call it a day. I did. I really did. But something caught my eye and- "Oh, fuck."