Dauntless Born: Tris Pedrad

Chapter 33

Edited: 8/10/2020

Tris POV: 

I woke up breathing really fast. The nightmare I had was the worse one by far. I get ready and put of leggings again because if anything my knee is even more swollen than it was yesterday. I just need to get through my fight today. I don't put on my jacket because when you have to struggle to walk it gets a lot hotter. 

I hobble out the door. I am going to let Kylie sleep in again and I don't have to walk perfectly fine for a little while. I decide to go and grab a muffin early and go find somewhere else to eat it. I finally reach the dining hall and just sit down when Zeke comes in and he spots me. He starts to come straight towards me and then he stands in front of me. 

"Hey Izzy. Can I sit?" He asks putting emphasis on Izzy. He knows. 

"Sure." I say. 

Zeke looks around and then he faces me again. "You better watch yourself Tris. I deleted the footage of you telling Kylie all about what happened, but Four could have easily heard you are heard it while he was going through footage. I won't tell, but you better come clean soon. Why would you leave? Where did you go?" 

I sit there shocked for a minute before I answer. " I needed to get out of the city and this drama filled life. I went outside the wall." I stop. "Did anyone else know?" I ask. 

"No, but it's only a matter of time before they figure it out. Throwing knives almost better than Four. Training another initiate after you have only had one day of training and doing crazy good moves training them. And acting just like yourself isn't helping. Your lucky your makeup covers who you are." Zeke says. 

"Okay. I got it. I will try and be more careful." Something about Zeke saying everything I am doing makes me feel worse. I seem like a terrible person that can't even make up for everything I have done. "You don't know how much I want to come clean, but no one would talk to me let alone forgive me." I say. 

"I am talking to you. I forgive you. I understand why you left. That does not mean I approve, but I think they will be happy to see you." he says. 

"Yeah, but your my brother. Four would not forgive me." I say. 

"Well you would have to give them time. You left for 8 months. You can't expect it to be better in a minute." Zeke says. 

"I know. Thanks Zeke. I am trying to figure out what to do. I need to make sure that my fears aren't the same though. I don't know what to do." I say. 

"I have an idea. Meet me in our old apartment at midnight." Zeke says. He looks around. "I am glad your back Tris." Then he walks away. He may be glad I am back, but no one else will be. 

I am happy about how well he took it, but I am sure the others will not take it that good. I'm not even supposed to tell them. I don't know what David would do if I did tell them. I guess David is just going to deal with it. I really hope everything turns out okay. I lost my appetite and I don't want to talk to anyone, where could I go that way I don't have to talk to anyone. I don't think anyone will be in the training room this early. 

I limp all the way to the training room. No one is inside so I go over to the punching bag and being careful with my knee I punch the bag hard over and over again. I block out everything around me and just focus on hitting the bag. 

I can't be myself. Punch.

Lost Mathew. Punch.

Have to tell everyone about myself. Punch.

Got myself in a deep hole. Punch. Punch. Punch. 

I stop and take a deep breath. My knee is sending a pain throughout my whole leg. I sit against the wall and and keep taking deep breaths. I finally reached my breaking point and now I have to find a way to put myself back together alone. I guess Kylie and Zeke are here, but I'll break even more when I tell the others it won't really help.