Jimin | Oneshots

Take Me Home

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You turn your body 45 degrees to the left and gaze into the lens.

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You reposition your hands loosely over your hips and overlap your knees, making your body appear slimmer.

"Ma'am could you move your thumbs through your belt loop?"

You do as you are instructed. You hold onto the smooth fabric of the leather skirt that hugs your hips tightly and another click is heard from the camera.

"Love it! Could you stand on your tiptoes this time?"

You rise to the tip of your toes like a ballet dancer as a puff of air is fanned over your face, blowing your hair in the opposite direction to create a cool, windy effect.

The photographer captures the scene and peers into his screen, inspecting every detail of the portrait to make sure that it is perfectly flawless.

"This one's a keeper!" he exclaims with a thumbs up. "Alright, I'll need five minutes to scout out the next shot!"

At the announcement, you relax back into a regular standing position and let out a long-awaited sigh. The management team scurries around the room like mice and your personal stylist hurriedly approaches you. "Let's get you changed in the meantime," she instructs as she ushers you into the dressing room.

The second you step foot in the room, the confidence you spent hours gathering the night before the shoot immediately plummets. The models under the same agency as you shift their attention at the sound of the door opening and flash you their brilliant smiles.

One look at their facial features and one would instantly know that they belong on the runway. One look at their body shape and anyone would want them on the front cover of Vogue magazine. They have the desired thinness, the ideal curves, the right height. They have everything that you don't and will never have.

You try your hardest to avoid eye contact as you make your way to a seat in the corner with your head hung low and begin to remove the heels that have been digging into your skin for god knows how long. You hiss in pain at the red marks that twist and turn around the soles of your feet.

Whenever you tell people about your career, they would always envision a glitzy and glamorous lifestyle. Little do they know about the hardships that a model has to endure behind the scenes.

Hours and hours of standing, posing for a camera, staying fresh faced the entire time.

Then come the insecurities.

Have you met everyone's expectations today? What portion from your diet would you need to cut down tonight to look better tomorrow? How much longer should you stay in the gym to attain the "correct" measurments that society demands from you?

Throughout your career, you've had plenty of ups and downs. Mental breakdowns. Exhaustion. Depression. Anxiety. Weight loss.

Maybe more downs than ups.

But there had been a small period in your life where you were satisfied with yourself. A period where you began to love yourself and love what you do. Where you were able to share your love with someone else; an angel, that fell from heaven and transformed into everything you'd ever dreamed of.

You gaze at your reflection in the mirror. Despite spending all morning on your skin-care and makeup routine, you still aren't happy with the person that stares back at you with the same frown plastered on your face.

"You're so perfect," he would say.

"Perfect for you," you would say back.