The Universe and Beyond

Epilogue

And I feel so bad because I'm certainly not the only one who's hurting. Shanty is hurting more than me. Rozend's family is hurting more than how I feel. Marahan akong tumango at ngumiti sa kanya. Pinilit kong magpakatatag.

"So are you going to stay in this town?" mahinang tanong ko.

Umiling siya. "We will move out now. Well, it's not like I'm not into arts. I just realize a new dream. I want to be a doctor. I want to save lives."

Marahan akong tumango. It seems she realized a new dream because of his brother. "I understand. Then we'll meet again, someday."

"Yes. By the way, we really love your painting. It's nice to see my brother in someone else's perspective. The sun fits him perfectly. Invite me to your art exhibit someday, alright? I'm sure my Mom will leave some contacts to your Mom."

"Sure. Thank you, Shanty. And take care," nakangiting saad ko sa kanya.

"Bye, Zen! 'Til we meet again!" nakangiting paalam niya. She leaves my room and I can only stare at the painting and the paperbag on the small table.

I unwrap the painting. Nakita ko ang isang nakatalikod na babae habang nagtatali ng papel sa bonsai tree. And I know this girl is me. There is a small note in there.

I don't want to forget my memories of you, Zen. And how you are making art without your notice.

I can only smile at his note with misty eyes. Ibinaba ko ang painting at binuksan ang paper bag. I see a small bonsai tree inside, full of paper strips tied on it. Mas lalong napuno ng luha ang mga mata ko. I also notice the small white envelope. Kinuha ko ito at naupo sa kama upang basahin ang sulat ni Rozend.

This is for you, Zen – my favorite person. You mustn't break your promise so I send you a new bonsai tree full of my thoughts. About me. About you. About us. And you can read them all without guilt.

I'm sorry for leaving. I know this hurts but people have time limits.

Thank you for this one special summer. You taught me a lot of things. You taught me how to love. You taught me how to live.

I hope you'll find someone who will stay and will never leave anymore. (Although I'm a little jealous of him.)

I will leave this small bonsai tree to you. If ever you want to write to me, you can add your thoughts here. I'll hear your thoughts up in the universe where I can freely live.

You have to move on.

With all you've got, live.

I don't know if I should still say this now that I'm gone. But I want you to know that I fell in love with you, Paris Zen del Rio. Your whole being is art and I love you. I need to say this because words left unsaid are always the painful ones. And I want to let go of the pain.

You are art, Zen. The most beautiful art.

There's still denial in my heart but maybe I should really face this. Maybe I should just accept that someone who was so amazing can be taken away by the universe. Maybe this is how life works. I fall in love with him too and maybe that's all that matters now. I notice another sheet of paper with a song he composed that makes my heart ached.

I am the sun, glowing and bright
But you don't know I'm a dying one
I have to say your thoughts are the brightest light
You are the star that survives the darkest night