The Universe and Beyond

Universe 15: Rainy Day

ZEN

I'm already about to go to the university for my summer class but Rozend is still not here. I'm a little troubled if I should text him or what. Napansin naman ni Mama ang pag-aalala sa mukha ko habang tinitingnan ang loob ng bag ko at sinisiguradong wala akong naiwan na gamit.

"Hindi pa rin bumabalik sina Rozend?" nag-aalangang tanong niya.

Marahan akong umiling. Yesterday is a dark, cloudy day for me but today it's already rainy. The sun is covered by dark heavy clouds.

"Wala ba siyang nabanggit sa 'yo? Baka nasa bakasyon o may binisita silang kamag-anak?"

Pilit akong ngumiti kay Mama. "It's alright, Ma. Papasok na po ako sa school."

Marahang tumango si Mama at humalik ako sa pisngi niya. I drive my Ford pickup but I give a final glance at Rozend's house on the side mirror, wishing that he will suddenly pop out of nowhere and he will come to school together with me. But that's only my wishful thinking. Hindi siya lumabas ng bahay. Wala siya sa Serene.

Habang naglalakad sa hallway ng school building, hindi ko alam kung paano ako kikilos. Nasanay akong kasabay sa paglalakad si Rozend. Nasanay ako sa pangungulit niya sa kabila ng maikling panahong pagkakakilala namin.

I don't have to talk to anyone because I have him by my side but today is a different one. I'm a little sad. I hate to admit it but I miss him. I miss him that the rain suddenly pours in my life because he's gone.

Nang pumasok ako sa classroom, pilit akong ngumiti sa mga kaklase ko pero pakiramdam ko, hindi ito natural. I feel awkward. I suddenly feel that I don't belong here.

And then I suddenly realize that I'm relying too much on Rozend for my own happiness. Maybe I'm the one in the wrong. I shouldn't rely too much on others for my own happiness.

I should get through this day alone. I have to be strong and accept that not everyone can stay or will stay. I want to be happy on my own – through my own efforts.

And I'm sure Rozend will be proud of me. I want him to be proud of me when he comes back. Like what he said, it's my own choice to walk out of whatever abyss I'm in.

But I'm still anxious about interacting and making friends. I take a deep breath when I sit down on my chair. I have to do this! I can't be so awkward.

"Hey, Zen. Wala si Rozend?" curious na tanong ni Chantalle nang mapansin na wala sa tabi ko si Rozend. Nakaupo siya sa unahan ko at siya madalas ang nakikipag-usap sa 'min ni Rozend. She's an outgoing one. She's eating a lollipop with dark violet lipstick and thick eyeliners. And I really like her loud unicorn colored hair. Pilit akong ngumiti sa kanya. "Yes. Mukhang absent siya."

"Bakit? Magkapit-bahay kayo, 'di ba? May sakit?"

Umiling ako. "Wala sila sa Serene. May pinuntahan siguro."

"Ah. Dahil wala siya, gusto mo sumabay sa 'min sa lunch ni Chelsey?" alok niya. And I'm really grateful that there are people who would just suddenly approach you without noticing that they're actually helping you.

"Sure," nakangiting sagot ko.

Nang pumasok sa loob si Mr. Martinez, bumalik na sa kani-kanilang upuan ang mga estudyante.

"Good morning, little painters. This is the second week of our Painting Workshop. I hope you already figured how to paint your partner and your individual projects. I hope you already started something and are progressing smoothly without any art blocks. So next week on Monday, we will have a class activity. We will go somewhere to feed your artistic soul and paint there. And on Wednesday, you have to present the painting for the by-pairs project and the partner you painted will guess why you painted him or her that way. And you will tell him the exact reason. Are you excited?"