The Disappointment Kid (Completed)

8

Over the course of the next few days, it was me who avoided Henry. I was so ashamed I couldn't even look him in the eyes anymore. I tried to avoid my parents as well. What the hell was I supposed to say to them anyway?

Instead I spent my entire spare time closed off in my room or sitting on my secret bench, staring into nothingness.

In school, however, I started to socialise. My old fears of what the others might think about me, of the others looking at me and laughing at my figure somehow vanished in a 'Who gives a shit?'-kind of way. Most of the other students still didn't notice that I existed. They had formed a mental picture of Mrs See-Through a long time ago, and they weren't about to revise it.

Some kids were different, though. All of a sudden, I had contacts in my smart phone beyond my mother, father and sister – and Henry, whose messages I had completely been ignoring so far. It was a crazy feeling. I liked having 'friends', but putting on a "I'm fine! Everything is great!"-face was so exhausting that I just couldn't make myself accept any after-school meet-up invitations. Simply checking my phone messages became a sometimes overwhelming task, and, more often than not, I ignored my newfound friends, always apologising at school the next day with some tale of how busy I had been, doing exciting things with my vast circle of "you don't know them, but you would really like them"-friends.

One day after school, Henry cornered me on the way home. He had made sure nobody else was about before he approached me. He came straight to the point.

"Have I done anything wrong, Cat?" He didn't even look angry. I went bright red. Of course, he hadn't done anything wrong. First my parents had. Then I had. Out of shame. But that wasn't really an excuse. Was I even better than my parents? My eyes watered, the dam threatening to break. I swallowed hard.

"Just tell me, Cat. I'm sorry if I hurt you somehow."

"You haven't done a single thing wrong, Henry. It's just... Have you ever made a mistake and then, the more time passes, the harder it becomes to make things right?"

Henry nodded but said, "I still don't understand."

"I am so, so ashamed, Henry. I just didn't know how to face you. So, I did what I do best and hid. And now I'm even more ashamed."

"Ashamed of what?" Henry enquired gently.

"My...my... I can't even say it out loud." To my utter horror, my eyes started leaking for real now.

"Okay, don't get yourself all worked up, Cat. Just forget about it. Let's go somewhere where no one will see us. We'll have a nice chat. I missed you, Cat."

"We can't go to my place!" I blurted out involuntarily. "Definitely not my place!"

"No problem, honey. We can go to my place. It's nothing like yours, though." Henry pulled a face.

"That makes no difference to me, Henry. But what about your...?" I paused.

"Stepfather?" Henry finished the question for me. He was beginning to turn into a mind reader or something. I nodded.

"He's working. He won't be home until late in the evening. But even if he was home, there would be no need to worry. He's actually a nice guy and pretty charming to everyone except when he is drunk. That's why my mother loves him, you know."

Henry grabbed my hand and started to drag me down the street towards his house. I followed reluctantly. I wasn't really great with strangers. Strangers always look at you, and the first thing they notice are your height and your weight – both not my strong points. After their scrutiny they would always turn around and say, "You have got beautiful hair, Katherine." This translates as: "Why is beautiful hair always wasted on ugly people?" Self-consciously I started to pull my top down over my bum and my thighs as far as I could stretch it with my free hand.