Angst Soup For The Soul

HAHAH you were FOOLED there are TWO oneshots now get rekt

Sorry if any of this is poorly written or if the ending especially is particularly bad, this has just been sitting in my drafts for like. A couple months so. Enjoy this if you want

Also fuck you, my past self, for making like half of this fic in text form and making me, my present self, re-format it all of it so it works in wattpad. Fuck u I hate u

OH yeah speaking of the texts in this fic,  the contact names for the people on the LEFT amd the times listed in each conversation are set to the phones of the people on the RIGHT (at least in this universe) so for Sean it might say 2:32 pm, while for Mark or Ethan it would say 6:32 am. Or whatever. It'll make more since when you get to that part.

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Ethan was sitting outside. It wasn't his backyard (not that he had one) or even anywhere near his house; he knew that if he were to go through with what he was thinking of doing, this wasn't something the neighbors should see. And it wasn't like he could do it inside, Kathryn was there and he didn't want to scare her or anything. No, instead he had gone a few miles out into relative seclusion. Also probably into what was most likely someone else's property, but Ethan couldn't bring himself to care right then. 

He took a shuddering breath and looked down at the two things he was holding. His phone was in one hand and a small gun was in the other. 

He lifted the gun, clicking off the safety and holding it to his head. Sitting there, he took several more deep breaths before taking one last big one and clenching his hand as if he was going to pull the trigger. But at the last second, he released the breath and put the gun down. He put the safety back on and he gazed down at it before putting it on the ground beside him. 

Switching the phone to his other hand, he quickly unlocked it and typed in a number. He seemed to have it memorized. He took a few seconds before determinedly hitting the call button and holding it up to his ear. After a few rings, someone picked up.

"Hello, you've reached the suicide prevention hotline. My name is Annalise, how may I help you?"

Ethan visibly relaxed at the woman's soothing voice. "Uh, hi Annalise. My name's Ethan."

"It's nice to meet you Ethan. Can you tell me what's going on right now?"

"Yeah! I- uh… yeah, I can do that for you."

When Ethan didn't continue, Annalise pressed on. "Can you tell me where you are right now?"

"I'm outside. I took an uber to, like, practically the middle of nowhere." Ethan paused. "I have a gun. I bought it at Walmart like a week ago. Kinda fucked up that they sell those, you know." He chuckled, albeit weakly.

"Can you tell me why you have a gun?"

"... I'm going to shoot myself."

"Ok. Why?"

Ethan blinked at the question. He had, of course, written out all of his reasons on a piece of paper that he left back in his room. A list of apologies, too. He'd been planning this for about a month now. But tonight, all of a sudden, his mind was blanking. "Um… I forgot."

"Well--"

"But I'm scared I'm going to remember."