The Perks of Being a Wallcrawler || Peter Parker

Chapter Thirty-One: Sausage Fest

Protonslaught snarled under her breath. "Shit." With that, she snatched the textbook.

Peter was metaphorically drowning in sausage at this point. Wait no, that sounded a little bit misleading. Oh what have I done? I've uncovered a deeply buried desire for gay Peter Parker fan fiction in you, haven't I? Well, it's going to go unanswered because unfortunately, Annabelle Lee does not have a penis.

As he downed the next forkful of juicy meat (stop laughing), he called out to Protonslaught, "You know, I can give you a hand with some of that."

"Yeah. Whatever." She dismissed.

Johnny then entered the room, his Fantastic Four costume replaced with a pair of overly-expensive jeans and no shirt, "Hey Reed, did I miss the science examination thing? I can help if it's one of those touchy kinds of examinations." He said, winking at Protonslaught.

Protonslaught shot him an approving smirk, causing Peter to choke on his breakfast.

Reed rolled his eyes. "Please, Johnny."

"Yeah I don't want to vomit any more than I have to." Spidey pleaded.

With a shrug, Johnny sauntered over to Peter plucked a sausage off his plate, and stuffed it into his mouth.

Peter was about to yell at him for pilfering the glorious rod of seared biological matter that was lying upon his plate, but decided against it seeing as he constantly pinched snacks and energy drinks from Johnny.

With a shake of his head, Reed returned to the original subject of discussion. "Yes, Protonslaught, as we were saying, it would greatly benefit you to consolidate a wider understanding of general physics. With training and determination...well, forgive my bluntness, but you could become one of the most powerful beings on the planet."

Spidey watched as the facetious smirk on Prote's face evaporate. Her eyes widened in an emotion that Peter couldn't quite place. Was it...a slight tinge of fear?

"Stronger than Scarlet Witch? How is that possible?" Johnny said, mouth full.

"I said one of. Besides, Wanda is a mutant and a practitioner of magic. Magic opens up a massive wealth of scientific loopholes that I'd rather not get into. However, there's no sign of genetic mutation in Protonslaught's blood, and seeing as we respect the privacy of others here, Johnny, she doesn't need to explain her abilities to us."

Protonslaught huffed in awe. "A-Am I really that powerful?"

Reed nodded. "You can control atoms and molecules. Atoms and molecules are the building blocks of every single thing in the universe. You have the potential to create...and destroy in equal measure. I believe it's your responsibility to both understand and control this great power."

Peter Parker's ears twitched at the mention of 'great power' and 'responsibility' in the same sentence.

For a moment, he might've actually seen Protonslaught stare seriously into Reed's eyes as if she understood the gravity of the situation...but a bone breaking snap pulsed through the room.

Ben Grimm, also known as The Thing, kicked open the door and bellowed, "WHO WANTS SECONDS?!"

He had a massive apron tied about his rocky body with giant text on it that read 'Stone Cold'. In his hand was a pan that easily could've fried a large child, laden with strips of crackling bacon.

After a few seconds of silence, the smile faded from his face and he hesitantly backed up. "Well...if yer ain't hungry, just tell me, alright?"

"I-I'll have seconds." Peter called timidly.

"Seconds?" Protonslaught huffed, "I haven't even had firsts yet!"

With a rather aggressive stomp of her foot, Protonslaught threw the large textbook onto the floor - earning a mumble of quiet protest from Reed who clearly didn't appreciate the poor treatment she was giving the science book - and rushed towards the ginormous, bacon-smelling pan.

The very next sound that coursed through the building was the loud yelp of the dim-witted science amateur as she burned her fingers trying to pull out a streak of particularly crunchy bacon. It'd be understandable to imagine her gasping 'ouch' and sucking suggestively on her burnt finger like something out of a 1960s Marilyn Monroe movie, but instead she hopped around the room like a dopey rabbit and screamed, "Fuuuuuck!"

To no-one's surprise, Johnny was right by her side only seconds later. He dove his hand into the pan and picked up the exact slice that had scorched Protonslaught's fingertips. "Allow me, love. I can feed it to you too if you like."

Peter choked on a mouthful of buttery toast, "Jesus, could you...not?"

Johnny stretched his hands out on either side of his body as if to say, 'What did I do?', before blowing on the strip of bacon seductively (yes, you can blow on things seductively. Johnny was an expert at blowing things...) and handing it to Protonslaught, "What's the matter, Spidey? Jealous?"

A laugh erupted from Peter's throat. It was so loud, and so boisterous, that he almost forgot how to breath. Luckily, Peter was a scientist, and he knew all about breathing. A lesser man would have laughed themselves to death.

Johnny narrowed his eyes at the arachnid. He almost missed seeing him reeling from a hangover, at least he spoke less, "Oh yeah, you're sweet on that chick that dresses like my grandma."

"She does NOT dress like your-" Peter paused mid-sentence, eyes so wide that they could almost match the design on the mask that still covered his face. "Damn it! I need to get back!"

Peter shovelled the remaining food straight into his mouth and scrambled to hand Ben the empty plate. Sue watched him with very obvious concern, "What's wrong?"

Johnny, as usual, took this opportunity to tease Peter about his absolute hopelessness when it came to women, "Oh, you didn't hear? He got laid last night. Probably left without telling her...absolutely heartless, isn't he?"

Sue struck a glare in her brother's direction. This sounded like a typical night for Johnny...but certainly not for Peter Parker. "Best be heading back then. It's still early, she might not have noticed yet."

"R-Right!" Peter nodded vigorously, as if trying to convince himself of this truth. "Thanks, Sue. I'll come visit later."

He sprinted out of the door like a panicked rhino, bumping into the walls and tripping over his own legs as if he had more than two of them to keep track of. Protonslaught chuckled at his dorky gait and picked up the surprisingly heavy textbook that she had previously thrown. "Yeah...I better get going as well. Thanks for the grub."

She followed the same path that Spider-Man had taken out of the building, the only difference being the distant figure of Johnny Storm - staring through the open door as she left, "Oh, I do love to see a beautiful woman leave."

Sue whacked him over the head unabashedly, "You're a pig, Johnny."

The Human Torch, recovering from the faint headache this violent act enforced upon him, swiped a long piece of streaky bacon from the pan and bit into it, "Oink."

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