Powder [phan]

XXIV

As far as I could in this position, I turned my head back and saw Phil, who looked me straight in the eye, his expression of shock and infinite pain. My mind was still lagging behind, far too many drugs clouded my brain. Alcohol, cocaine, in addition to the endorphins that sex had triggered with my conquest, distraction, whatever. But I already felt that this should have fatal consequences.

The effect abruptly wore off and I landed on the hard ground, but even if I had broken all the bones of my body it could never have hurt as much as Phil's sight at that moment.

He didn't have to say anything, I knew I had shredded him into a thousand little pieces.

I immediately rolled off her and hurriedly got out of bed, but Phil didn't wait a second

Nothing made sense anymore, but nevertheless I put on my clothes as soon as possible, ignored the outraged shouts of my bed story and went after him without thinking.

Phil's POV

I didn't know exactly what had brought me here. It was a subconscious feeling, something that pulled me here. Only when I was standing in front of Dan's apartment did I realize where I was.

I didn't ring the bell, he wouldn't open to me anyway when he was actually in his apartment. Fortunately, I had Oliver's key. I didn't know what I wanted to find in his apartment. Some even told me that he wasn't alone in there. If he wanted to do it with Tyler, what's stopping him from taking advantage of someone else?

Dan had to count on me looking for him here. He knew that Oliver had a key to his apartment, he would probably assume that he would give it to me.

What if Tyler was right and he just wanted me to catch him, so he broke my heart and I finally left him alone?

In the end, I decided to unlock the door, went up the stairs, and entered the apartment without causing a stir. But the moment I stepped into Dan's hallway, my breath caught, my veins tightened, and I knew Tyler was right.

I heard a woman moan from the bedroom, I wanted to cover my ears, but I had to go through that now. My fucking mind didn't really want to realize it until I saw it in front of my eyes.

Slowly and carefully I opened the ajar bedroom door, felt the nausea that increased from second to second and then they were in front of me. He was in front of me.

Dan in his bed, with some dark-haired woman, naked, and I almost choked, but in the end it was just the incredible pain that closed my throat that made me watch the two paralyzed until the key noisily landed on the floor.

No one in my life had ever hurt me as deliberately, knowingly now, even though he looked at me so apologetically and remorsefully now that he had noticed me.

I had watched that for far too long to ever forget what I had seen and to ever close the wounds that were so fucking deep that I wondered why I did not tip over and just die. Bleed to death like a cut animal.

I had lost Dan.

I wouldn't stand this for a second longer, waiting for it to kill me, the disappointment, the love that was about to turn painfully into hate when I turned and ran out of his apartment.

I never wanted to enter them again, never to be inside these four walls.

Now I was only empty, unfilled, and every free pore filled with the pain that I could hardly bear.

He had done it. Hadn't let himself be stopped, hadn't been deterred, hadn't bothered to do it in bed with a stranger. He didn't care what he did with it, or at least not important enough to leave it. He had done it, despite what he did to me. Maybe he had no idea how deeply it really struck me because he just still didn't understand what he was for me.