Powder [phan]

X

WARNING: DRUGS, ALCOHOL USE, ANGST

Phil's POV

Dan had texted me a few hours after our incident,that he was home, fell asleep on his couch immediately, and was fine. There was nothing else I could do but believe him and that was the last great contact I had with him.

A few days later it was Chris' birthday and we were invited. It wasn't a big party, actually we all just met in Chris's apartment and would play some games and drink, hoping Dan wouldn't overdo it. At the same time, I hoped that I wouldn't exaggerate.

I was just getting dressed when my phone vibrated with the news that Daniel and Oliver were waiting downstairs. I hadn't told Oliver about the incident with Dan. I should have told him, but I couldn't at the same time. I would just see Dan's behavior tonight. Maybe that was a one time thing.

When I was in the car with my friends some time later, Dan showed no signs. As if the incident hadn't happened a few days ago, so I didn't show anything as well. Most of the time I sat in the back seat in silence while Dan and Oliver talked about some trivialities. For a moment, everything seemed so normal to me. As if everything were as before. As if we were going to a party or a meeting together, as if nothing bad had ever happened. I enjoyed these seconds of normalcy and hoped that someday we would get to that point again.

When we arrived in front of Chris' apartment, we got out. Oliver immediately went to the door while Dan and I stopped and looked at each other.

"Go ahead, we'll be right there." Dan suddenly said, while I swallowed hard. However, I gave Oliver a smile as he turned his gaze to me. He nodded, gave us a thumbs up, and disappeared into the building.

"Hey." he smiled weakly.

"Hey." I replied. "You okay?"

"Yeah, yes." He nodded immediately. "I just wanted to apologize for the night a few days ago."

"It's okay." I replied and he smiled slightly.

"I haven't had anything to drink since then and I plan to leave it today as well. It was really just a slip, a stupid slip." He ran through his hair.

"I'm glad you let it go for now. That's better for you." He nodded, smiled slightly and the tension between us was unbearable. His eyes jumped back and forth between my eyes and my lips and I couldn't say that I was better. I hadn't been close to him in so long. But there was nothing I could do here on the open road, and frankly, I thought it wouldn't do him any good if any of us did anything. He didn't want me anymore, right?

"Then let's go up and have some fun. Forget what's going on. Just have fun with our friends, just like before." He said softly and I wished so much that we could just travel back to that time. He put his hand gently on my shoulder and started walking, which I followed.

"Yes, let's have fun." I agreed, whereupon we entered the building and walked up the stairs together.

Dan's POV

I knew evenings like today. They used to be an integral part of my life. While the others tried to get rid of the stress and have fun with alcohol, the venom that kept me alive flowed in my veins.

I had serious concerns that Phil would notice something, but they were probably in vain. He looked a little off track anyway.

In the meantime the party had finally got going and the first people were pretty drunk. Phil also didn't seem to be sober anymore, but that wasn't necessarily abnormal. Just rare.

And now I was living my own life again, self-determined as I wanted it to be.

I averted my eyes from Phil and how he absorbed the reddish contents of his glass one more time, and I let myself fall on the couch, which was currently completely ignored by the party guests.