Incandescent

Chapter 17

A nightmare, Khushi thought.

It just must be a nightmare. A vividly realistic, disturbing nightmare that seemed to rattle her very being. Terror gripped her throat, as she ran her eyes over the table and the things laid out in between. Bottles of wine, condoms and her birth control pills filled the space and she lowered eyes, mortified and clutched her nails so hard into her palms, it hurt. But not more than what was happening.

"Ye sab ka hai, Khushi? That we'll live to see this day, I had never thought of it! Kya kiya Khushi? Kyun kiya aise?"

Garima grabbed hold of Khushi's arms and dragged her to the bedroom where clothes, Arnav's clothes from the cupboard lay strewn all over the bed.

"I was just cleaning the house. I saw your clothes hanging in the balcony and thought I'd fold them and keep it in. I didn't hope to find... these..." her mother stuttered in embarrassment. "I wouldn't have touched a thing if I knew I will see all these!" Frantically clutching her daughter's shoulder, "Khushi, I am scared. Please tell me we have nothing to worry about. I'll ignore all this. These may have been here for so many reasons, hai na? You never lie, Khushi. Please tell me.. I have been a bad mother, I know, but you were always the responsible daughter... please humein itni badi saza na de bitiya..." Garima cried, carefully as if she didn't want her father to hear her.

But Khushi stayed silent, her eyes still lowered. She knew she needed to be punished for what she had done. But why were her parents being punished.

Her silence was answer enough for Garima and she found herself weeping as though her heart was broken. Her daughter stood in front of her, paying the price for every single wrong she had done in her life. Garima knew Khushi had wanted none of those things she wanted for Khushi. She had loved life as it was, content to just be as she was. She felt like dying.

"Hey Bhagwan! Why did you punish my daughter for my greed and selfishness. All I ever wanted was for her to have all the luxuries that we couldn't give her... I was the selfish one. I didn't see what I had in life while I always kept moaning about what I didn't have—

Garima slowly walked back into the living room while Khushi followed her.

"Amma... babuji..." Khushi said, her voice a plead.

She didn't have any justification to give them. Her only contrition was that she hadn't hoped for them to find out like this. And especially not like this! No parent deserves it but then she hadn't thought they would come without informing her. They had never come to Delhi in these two years. She hadn't wanted to do it to them. She couldn't bear to look at their broken faces. Her mother was crying out aloud, berating herself for whatever happened. Her father was behaving like she didn't exist. She wanted them to scold her. They could curse her or beat her. Her mother could have been wrong in a lot of ways but it was still less than what she had done.

"No, Khushi. Don't call me Amma. I don't deserve to be called that. I'm just a failure. A living example of what a mother shouldn't be... I'm sorry I hit you, Khushi. I should have hit myself..." saying she hit herself on her head repeatedly.

"Amma... please don't say that..."

Tears now falling freely down her face, Khushi turned towards her father. He still hadn't looked up at her. Looking at the direction of her gaze, Garima said, "Khushi, you knew that your father was never comfortable with the idea of you modeling. But I insisted... my greed... but do you know why your father agreed? Because he trusted his daughter. Why didn't you stop once to think about your father? Sar pe uthake rakha tumhe.. tut oh unki chutki thi na? (He has to sit on his head. You were his chutki, weren't you?)"

Khushi kneeled down in front of her parents and sobbed openly, unable to stop herself anymore. But what would she tell them when she herself didn't understand how she had easily thrown away everything for that man.