"More than what I Prayed for"

My Independence Day

It was a few minutes before 6pm when we arrived at the Naga City terminal. There were a lot of people with their baggage. The terminal was crowded. My mom looked for a phone booth and didn’t take long to find one. She took a piece of paper from her purse and dialed. I hear her asked the person on the other line for her aunt who’s a nun in one of the known convents in the city. A few minutes passed when she greeted her. I was relieved that mom finally reached her aunt. I intentionally did not listen to the conversation that followed. I knew that she’s already explaining our reason for coming over unannounced.

She hang up and told me that we have to ride a tricycle; One of the common public transportations there. It only took us 5 mins to get to our destination. We entered the convent and informed the nun on duty by the lobby who we’re looking for. We were ushered to the receiving area. A few minutes later, mom’s aunt met us. I also call her aunt though technically she is already my grandmother because she is a sister of my mom’s father (my grandfather). I reached for her right hand and slowly touched it to my forehead as a sign of respect for the elderly (in my country).

Aunt took us to a small bedroom with a couple of double decked beds. It looked like a dormitory. I’m sure it is a common bedroom for people who would come over for a few-day retreat or soul searching. She did not ask for too much details but started with a sermon. I expected that. I just listened, my head slightly bowed and every now and then I would just respond with a nod or “yes” whenever necessary.

Being a person of the church and servant of the Lord, she was much softer than my mother. She did not shout at me or call me stupid and idiot. That, I really appreciated.

At 7pm, the three of us marched to the dining area. Dinner was served at exactly 7pm. The other nuns were there too. We were introduced and greeted with a warm welcome. We prayed altogether and ate a humble but delicious meal. Someone was in charged for dishwashing so it was okay that we left right after eating.

Not long after dinner, aunt prepared the pillows and blankets for us. They sleep early in the convent and wake up early too. Breakfast will be served at 7am, mass at 9am, lunch at 11, snacks at 3pm and dinner at 7pm. That’s their daily routine.

Just before we fell asleep as we were tired from the long travel, aunt said “Tomorrow I’ll bring you to your uncle’s house.” She was referring to my mother’s cousin.

I already feel comfortable in the convent. I like the place, the nuns, the food, the bed and the comfort they bring. And so I told her “Can’t I just stay here? I promise I’ll be good. I’ll volunteer to help with the cleaning and washing the dishes and anything that you’ll ask me to do.” She replied “No you can’t.” I didn’t ask anymore for the reason behind that answer. I just closed my eyes and fell asleep in that very minute.

I opened my eyes at 5am. That was the best sleep I’ve ever had in years. I felt so calm. Peace ran into my whole being. My mind was dead empty the whole night. I can say that freedom was finally within reach.

I saw that my mom was also already awake. We didn’t wait for further instructions but we moved and prepared ourselves for breakfast. I realized that I haven’t taken breakfast on time for the past several years. We don’t eat breakfast before going to school since high school. And so this I think was the best breakfast ever.

Aunt called a tricycle for our ride going to uncle’s. It didn’t take us 10 mins to get there. I realized that it is a small city where you can go anywhere within it by just riding a motorcycle with a side car (tricycle).

She knocked on the door and my uncle welcomed us in a few seconds. Happy and surprised. We rarely see him. He seldom visits Manila but I surely can remember his face and his name. Mom and aunt did the talking.

He accepted me without judgement. He was even apologetic for the having a small apartment. I have 2 uncles and 1 aunt living in that apartment. They are my mom’s cousins.

That same day we went to the supermarket, my mom bought me toiletries, milk and other supplies. She reminded me to see an obstetrician for the pre-natal check ups. I felt the concern and care even if I know that she’s still not okay with everything that happened and with what’s happening.

She reminded me not to be a brat and to always remember that I’m not in my own house so I have to deal with their ways and their routines. But she also told me not to be shy to say when I need help. She said "When I was still single and working, I was earning more than enough for myself, so I was able to help them. I bought a motor boat for them. They used it as a public transportation so that people may cross the river and carry goods from the city to the barrios. This time, it’s their chance to return the favor. They will take care of you."

I was speechless. I just managed to nod.

She said "Take care of yourself, veer away from stress. I will take care of the rest. Your father will be home soon for his yearly Christmas vacation. He will definitely look for you. The rest of our family will ask for your whereabouts. I will handle it. Just promise me that you will not go anywhere else far from where I’ll be leaving you."

I felt that I wasn’t even blinking. I listened carefully. And in my heart and mind I know that I will obey. I cannot thank her enough for this freedom, for the independence that she is entrusting me even if I’ve wronged her a million times.

God has shown me once more how He loved me. How He has heard my prayers. He didn’t just give me freedom, but slowly He is rebuilding my relationship with my mother. Reconciliation.

Mom handed me 500 pesos. That was a very small amount to give to your daughter if you’ll leave her to a far away place indefinitely. I guess I was still thankful, she could’ve left me there to starve to death. She said "I will send you money next week. I will send you money weekly and I will call you everyday. For now, I have to go back to Manila. Your sister didn’t know that we’ve gone this far. She will look for us."

I insisted to join her to the bus terminal. I promised her that I can find my way back to the apartment alone. I waited for her to board. The bus started to move and she waived at me. She gestured for me to leave, to take a ride back to the apartment. I just nodded but my feet were stuck there like a statue, staring at the bus until it’s gone from sight.

My knees went weak. I felt the need to sit. I sat on the gutter and broke down in tears. I cried until it all dried up. I got tired. I got numb.

Soon enough, I felt the sun and the wind on my face. It gave me the feeling of comfort. I started to move and take a step away from where I got stuck crying. Right then, I decided that the next steps I’ll take will bring me to a new book in my life, a new journey. With the help of God, a better story, where I am free.

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The Rice Fields

Poems from the Heart