The Damaged

Chapter Eight

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" I repeat over and over to Mia.

Today we went up against each other after having a break yesterday for a field trip to the fence. She gave a good fight, but she was still the one who had to concede.

Mia looks at me through her swollen eye, the one I caused. She left scratch marks all over my body.

"I told you it's okay, Mal. You did what you had to" she sips on the broth they served as dinner today. It's not so different from the ones you can make in Abnegation.

"Let me make it up to you. Anything you want" I lean across the table a bit.

She raises an eyebrow. "So if I told you "let's go shave your hair off", you'd do it?"

I contemplate and sigh. "Fine, I'll do anything you want that's reasonable."

The guilt is really pulling me in all directions. She's my friend, I shouldn't have been so rough.

"Then today's the day" Mia smiles through her unspoken pain. "We'll get tattoos after dinner."

"Hey," Tara causes our heads to turn in her direction, "can I come with? I've been wanting to go, too."

"I don't see why not" Mia nods, Tara smiles and goes back to eating the bread she's been dipping into her soup.

"So, what happened after Four escorted you back to the dormitory?" Mia brings up the other day.

A groan escapes from my mouth. "How many times do I have to tell you? There's nothing going on between us."

"Chemistry is chemistry" her shoulders shrug.

I make a face and throw a small piece of bread at her. Laughter rises between us.

It's nice to not have to worry for a change.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"What do you think you'll get?" Tara asks as the three of us stand in front of the wall of designs.

The tattoo parlor is a small room by the apartment side of the compound, only two seats that resemble dentist chairs are spread apart between a curtain.

"There's so many to choose from" Mia walks down to the other side of the wall to see the other designs she didn't notice before.

I glance around the room, it's dark with a few lights. Everything seems to glow behind the panels.

"Hey" a familiar voice calls through a swinging door in the back. I look to see Tori walking towards us, a smile on her face.

"Hi," I greet, folding my arms over my chest.

"Amalia, right?" She replicates my form. I nod.

"First tattoo?" I nod again.

"Well, it's best to choose something smaller to fit somewhere on your body that doesn't involve much bone. The more fat, the better."

"There's just so many options" Mia walks back over.

"Take your time, it's permanent, you know" she chuckles and walks off to a chair in the back.

"I like this one" Tara points to Dauntless flames. I nod, agreeing that it does make a statement.

"Get it" Mia smiles, nudging Tara's arm. I watch Tara think it over and nod.

"I'll go first, then" she walks over to Tori.

"Want us to hold your hands?" I ask with a grin.

"I think I'll be okay" she looks over her shoulder before interrupting Tori.

"I think I'll get something simple" Mia points to the Dauntless symbol, flames in a circle.

My eyes settle on something other than the flames my friends both chose. It's of broken glass; as if someone touched the center of a mirror and everything began to fall down.

Like me- I can break at any second.

"I like this one" I gesture to the design, Mia looks at it and grins.

"I like it, too."

When Tara is done getting flames drawn around her wrist, and Mia gets the Dauntless tattoo on her back shoulder, I finally sit on the chair over an hour later next to Tori.

"The shattered glass?" Tori asks, I nod.

"Good choice. Not many get that one, I usually get requests to draw something people are afraid of- or something that screams Dauntless" she begins to sketch on the transfer paper.

"Do you know where you want to get it?" Tara asks with a grin, swinging her arms back and forth; the one with the tattoo having a bandage wrapped around it.

"I think my inner arm" I pat the spot under the dip of my elbow.

"Want us to hold your hands?" Mia smirks, having dry tears staining her cheeks after the needle pressed against her back.

"I'll give you a sign if I really need you two" I grin, laying back in the chair.

Once the drawing is stenciled onto my arm, Tori turns on the tattoo gun and dips the needle into the ink.

"Scared?" Tori asks with the gun hovering my arm.

"After everything I've been through these last five days, not really" I glance at my friends who give encouraging smiles.

The needles poking into my arm doesn't feel so bad, in certain areas I have to bite my lip, but remain still.

"You're going to look so bad ass" Tara rubs her hands together.

"You're the one with the flames" I grin, glancing at Tori who's deep in thought.

"Yeah, but yours gives off a look like you have a story to tell" Tara adds.

"I already want another" Mia giggles.

"Amalia will be the last customer for the day, so another time" Tori mumbles.

After forty minutes, I'm released from the chair and go in front of the mirror. It's easier to look at myself now- especially when I can't ignore my reflection at this point.

The tattoo does make me look sort of bad ass, against my black clothing and my growing muscles. I almost look the part of someone in Dauntless.

"Thank you" I turn to Tori who's cleaning up her station.

"No problem" she gestures to my arm, taping a bandage to keep it from infection for a few days.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Because it's eleven, we walk through the quiet compound and towards the dormitory for bed.

"Hey, Mal?" Tara asks when we enter the initiate hallway.

"Yeah?" I glance at her.

"I want to say I'm sorry about beating you up the other day, it was wrong to take out my emotions on you."

"You don't need to be," we walk into the dormitory, only a few people are in their beds. Four is already gone. "You did what you had to do, you're already forgiven."

Tara nods and walks over to her bunk on the other side of the room, Mia and I sit on our own beds with her legs almost touching.

"Thanks for not making me shave off my hair" I talk in a low voice, not wanting to interrupt the other's sleep.

"Thanks for giving me a black eye to finally get you to get a tattoo" she grins.