When Harry met Z

Me, myself and I

Barbara had been sitting quietly. There was nothing disturbing us. My phone off, no visitors expected. Sometimes I liked to be alone, not lonely, just alone. My life didn't matter to the rest of the world. I was the antithesis of the "superstar". I mean, I have fun, I party. But, I want to think of myself as someone who enjoys being alone, of course I enjoy good company, and the intimacy that good company brings. 

Intimacy was the one thing I miss the most from Z. With him we could go to such depths, it was impossible to reach that with anyone else. We opened up to each other in a way that left us sooo vulnerable.  It was difficult to jump from the "soulful intimacy", to a more physical one. In the beginning he was wary, but he was also naughty, always touching me, hugging me, looking at my body (should I blush here?). 

But things developed organically. There wasn't any "confession" between us. It was just organic. We got along, spent time together, we liked each other, of course, what's not to like. We are gorgeous. Haha. "So full of yourself. Arrogant Harry." Could hear his voice laughing at me. "Full of yourself".

- I can see a profile about you. That's all I can think right now. How you, your music has been inspired by a youthful, kind of forbidden love. And how the media's perception about you has been wrong. A bit of criticism on the entertainment media, talk about how they cover stuff as fast-food-news, things to quickly digest, and discard, juicy but little nutrition value. How we misunderstand singers, artists. What do you think? Am trying to think of an angle. 

Barbara continued talking:

-Maybe can be a story without names. A story on a young musician who is tired of the media, the growing distrust between the media and the singer leads to a huge misrepresentation of one of the most important voices of this generation. The media portrays him as a pop-star, heartthrob, lady's man, while in reality he is something quite different. The media and managers want him to keep that image for commercial reasons, but this means that his real life, his love life suffers. So he is paying a price so the public can have that easy to digest story. But, aren't you an accomplice as well? You are making a living off people buying that image of yours. You could debunk it at anytime. Right?

-Yes, I could. But, he doesn't want me to. It'd destroy his life. This is where things become difficult. Have you seen my music video "Adore You"? Oh, why do I ask. Of course you have not. You don't know anything about me. Gee.

-Sorry. I will see it, don't worry.

She said, smiling.

-Z didn't like to swim. Whenever we went to swim he stayed behind, he didn't even want to try. It kind of became a problem for us. We could never go to the beach all of us together. Later on, when the band split and I couldn't see him as often it became a metaphor of him in my mind. I think he left the band because he felt like a fish out of the water. He was out of his element. It was exactly like with his relationship with water. No matter how many times we asked him to come swim, he wouldn't. It's the same with the band. He wanted to leave the band. He was tired of it. I asked him so many times. So many times! To give it a try. For selfish reasons, because I couldn't foresee not being with him ALL THE TIME. But also, just to reduce the overall trauma to everybody. We needed to give the guys some heads up, not leave in the middle of a tour. But he wouldn't listen, the same way he refused to swim. Even though he was a singer, he didn't want to sing in that way. You get me? Even though he is a fish, he just doesn't want to swim in any water. You get it?

Here, let me play the song for you.

She listened to the song with me. "You don't have to say you love me...walk the fire for you...just let me adore you...it's the only thing I'll ever do".

-Oh god. It kind of makes me want to cry. It's so sad. You really loved this guy, huh?

-Loved? No past tense.

Suddenly images of him came back to my mind. As the music played, I remembered how he smelled. During the concerts we all started sharp, cologne and everything, by the end we all smelled like sweat and tears, most of the time we went back to the hotel and tried to sleep. Often we couldn't sleep right away, we were so high by the concerts, we needed something before being able to sleep. We didn't want to drink, so him and I just talked. Sometimes we didn't even take a shower. And he smelled ...like fish. Haha. Just like a small fish out of a tank. A small salty fish. 

-When we became more acquainted I would lean on to him, and smell him. My fish. My fish, I would call him.

And he would say "Sure, sailor, just don't fry me."

Haha. I smiled. I miss him so much. Just let me adore you, it's the only thing I'll ever do.

TO BE CONTINUED. XOXO