SUMMER

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This year has been a strange one. Perhaps the strangest of all the strange years since I left my mom's house.

Am seeing a shrink. He says I suppress my anger, and that I have anger and unresolved abandonment fears due to my parents' divorce.

I think I am a bit of a people pleaser. When little I loved to entertain everyone. I loved seeing people happy, especially my mom, I tried hard to never become a nuisance to her, or to her new relationships. I still love her so much, I tell her everything. She knows, she is one of the few ones that knows all my secrets.

Maybe I have suppressed the sadness of my father leaving, my parent's separation, maybe I blocked the feelings of abandonment, which is why I now seek this unattainable relationship and hold on to it as if I were an orphan seeking refuge.

It's almost summer, the time to fall in love, to have fun, to feel sexy, to be lustful. I used to love touring with you in summer. You looked best in summer, Z, you looked best always when you were next to me.

Can I shout your name out? Can I?

My shrink would have said: Harry, who are you really longing for?


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