BREATHE FOR ME

Chapter 24: Bad Guys And Good Guys

They're not trying to help Morgan, they're trying to keep you away from her. If they wanted to 'rescue' her, they would have done it days ago. They know exactly where I'm living, they always have. They're trying to keep you away from the truth. I'm protecting her and she's trying to protect you. I can answer all of your questions.

Meet with me outside at nine o'clock. Please.

Just to talk.

With love,

William Shelley

After reading the note, I feel like I'm going to be sick. Everything stops. Silence. And then it starts again. My stomach is churning so aggressively that the acid inside is threatening to wash back up my dry throat. Everything feels too cold, too foreign. Dropping the note on the floor, I panic and run through into the bathroom where I drop to my knees and empty my stomach straight away. Shelley has been inside of my house. He wants to meet me. What would happen if I said no? What will he do? And what did he mean by 'there is more to the story'? Lorrie would tell me the whole story. Wouldn't he? I want to keep you out of this. That's what he said earlier...

Leaning forwards into the toilet, I throw up again.

Could Shelley be telling the truth here? Morgan... has she really betrayed me? Or is she protecting me? Why do I feel so small and stupid all of a sudden? By keeping me out of it, all Lorrie has done is endangered me. But was that his goal? Surely not, this is Lorrie that I'm thinking about. My boyfriend. But Shelley is right. The boys do know where Shelley is based. How much else do they know? Why are they trying to keep it from me? Only guilty people keep secrets...

Pushing myself angrily away from the toilet, I lean back against the cool wall of the bathroom, letting the coolness of the wall tiles to diffuse into my sweaty tank. I feel like I'm sweating everywhere, like my body is panicking out of my control. There are so many unanswered questions, questions that need to be answered, flitting around inside of my head. Everything hurts, making me envy my exhaustion from a few minutes ago. At least then, I was too tired to feel anything at all. But what's really making me panic is the feeling that, deep down, I know what I have to do to find the answers. I've subconsciously known for a while now. I know who I need to meet.

......

An hour later, I have decided to meet with William. After painfully throwing up three more times and crying uncontrollably twice, I've decided that enough is enough. I can't go on like this forever. If Lorrie refuses to answer my questions, then I need to find somebody that will. Even if that scares the hell out of me. Even if that means putting myself in danger. Staying in the dark is the real danger in this life. It makes me vulnerable. Lorrie is making me vulnerable.

It's five minutes to nine and Mom and Maddie are in their rooms. My heart is beating uncontrollably, making me feel a whole new level of anxious. Am I doing the right thing by meeting Shelley? Am I walking straight into a trap? Is he going to take me away too? Why do I need these fucking answers so badly? Why can't I just be comfortable sitting quietly from the side-lines? Am I going to hurt Lorrie by doing this? What am I doing?

As I look at the packed bag by my bedroom door, I try to swallow all of these questions one at a time. All that I know right now is that I really need answers. I need to know what's going on. I need to know who the good guys are, and more importantly, who the bad guys are. If that means that I need to discover it all by myself, throwing myself head-on into the danger, then I guess that's what I need to do. Even if it is stupid. Sometimes, scary can be beautiful. Right?