♥️My First First Love♥️

The Proposal

National Institute Of Fashion Technology, Banglore.

Friendship:
It is the give and take of friendships that make them such a deep blessing and life-giving. Friendships that are one-sided - only one person gives and only one person takes - are not friendships at all, they are toxic. The older I get the more I choose to distance myself from those that only take and never give. I have given myself permission to back away. Sometimes it is easy, sometimes it isn't. And that is the curse.

A friend of mine was running towards me and screaming...

"Meera... Meera..."

"What's wrong with you Pree? Why the hell are you screaming so much?"

"Meera! A guy said a stupid thing about you! He is saying that..."

She was breathing too fast and was unable to speak properly.

"Come. Sit for a minute. Take a deep breath! Who told you to run so much. You should take care of yourself na!"

She sat on the nearby bench and took a deep breath. And suddenly stood up and held my hand.

"Meera! There's a guy in our college. I saw your picture on his phone. And he was telling his friend that He's in love with you! Come with me. I wanna show you."

And she dragged me with her.

Love:
A fucking curse for me!
I hate love! I hate being in love! I never want it to happen to me again! I can't lose someone again! The pain! The pain is still there to remind me that I'm alive!

She grabbed me towards the canteen.
A guy having black hair, blueish- grey eyes & muscular body was talking to his friend. He felt familiar to me from his back itself.

"You know... I love her so much. She was stuck with me through my thin and thick. She is such a great friend of mine. And now I'm planning to make her mine. I want her love! I regret saying No to her a few years back. But now! By knowing her completely I'm in love with her."

Saying this he turned back and saw me. I was totally shocked seeing Sam saying all this for me.

Sam: A friend of mine since mid school. We went to the same tutions too. I had a crush on him. But it was for a short time until a storm came in my life.
I don't feel anything now. No love. No trust. No happiness. I'm an empty soul who is living for her parent's sake.

Sam was shocked seeing me. He came to me and was unable to speak anything.
He hold my hand and was about to speak those three stupid letters again!
I... I took a step farther from him. And ran away in my class. He was following me. Calling me. I was just ignoring his voice. I don't want to listen to those words again in my life. Never! Those words have already destroyed my life. I can't again! No! No! Never!!!

I rushed in my class. For the first time, I'm glad that HOD has made the rule for other students to not bump in our class without his permission.
The classes started but I... I was blank. I can't concentrate on studies. I wasn't able to even listen what the professor was speaking.

I decided not to be affected with this thing anymore. I decided to ignore Sam. The moment I see him, I just rush to my class. I felt as if this class is my saviour.

I carried this on for few days! But even I knew this can't be done for so long!
I was in library finding a reference book. Suddenly someone grabbed my hand and pushed me towards himself.

"Sam... What the hell are you doing? Leave me!"

"And what are you doing to me? Do I literally deserve this? This ignorance? This weird behaviour of yours? Why are you doing this to me? You know, I feel so much pain when you're not around me. When you don't talk to me. I feel so restless without you. Can't you just give me the answer of my proposal? Say it as a Yes or No."

"You already know the answer. It's a big NO."

"Why? What's wrong in me? We are such a good friends then what's wrong in becoming my girlfriend?"

"No. I can't. I fucking can't ! Just leave me alone damn it!"

And I ran away from there. I don't know till how much time I have to run away from this shit called Love! I hate it so much that I can't even listen those words from anyone. Not even from Isha, my elder sister! Didi knows everything that happened in the past. She was so supportive to me. She handled me so well. If Di would not be there in my life, I would be dead long back ago when Mom...

With millions and trillions of thoughts running in my mind, I went to the canteen to have something. Pree came to me and asked about Sam.
I ignored the topic related to him totally. She understands me quite well. She changed the topic and discussed about our next lecture work.

A text pop up in my phone. It was from Sam.
He sent me a link to the song-"In My Dreams."
And again texted me..."The Song For You From My Heart."

I ignored his text. But he knows I like songs. So I opened the link and started the song.

🎶 It feels like, I've seen you In My Dreams
It feels like, We're closer than it seems
I'm sorry that I Love You.
But I feel so restless without you.
Dream, you make
My dreams feel so much real
Dream, you make
My world feel so much real
You make me feel like I'm awake
You make me feel like I'm awake.🎶

The song was good. The lyrics has deep love. But Love is not my cup of tea anymore! And Sam has to understand this!

Next day, I was walking in the lobby and someone dragged my hand and pushed me in an empty classroom. I can feel it. I can feel it's Sam. Stupid Sam.

"Sam! What the fuck are you doing? I told you I can't be with you. Can't you understand such a simple thing?"

"No! No! No! I just want a YES! I can't live without you Meera. I don't know how to live without you. You have become my addiction. It's been 5 fucking years we have started talking. We are such a close friends. Why can't we be a pair? Why?"

"Because I don't feel anything for you man! I don't feel this feeling anymore!"

He... He came closer to me.

"Maybe when I'll come closer to you, you'll start feeling something about me. At least a bit."

"NO. I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING ABOUT YOU. JUST GO AWAY."

He came too closer to me. Just a inch away from me. I can even listen the heartbeat bursting from his chest! The breath of his! The bluish-grey eyes stuck on me. My lips. Fuck! No! I can't do this! I can't make my friend boyfriend again! No! Never Ever again!

I pushed him away hard. He fell on the floor. I was surprised when He. His fucking smile! He was smiling! And suddenly pressed his ears. Maybe he was using earbuds.

"Happy! I told you she'll say NO to me! I did what you wanted me to do! Now fuck off!"