Falling Leaves

Chapter 46: Who's back?

Xena's P.O.V.

After wiping my tears and few moments of staying here, I get up the grassy ground. I just wipe my tears, but there is still coming. I feel like I am getting sick.. I feel like what happened before ay umuulit, but this time.. Ako ang tumapos ako naman ang aalis.. it's really painful in my part, that losing your love and me being responsible, lagi naman..

I slowly walk inside the quiet house, I called it quiet but not peaceful, the silence is deafening me, I feel extra lonely upon realizing, it's only me who is going to comfort myself.. I hugged myself, and started to sobbed again, earlier, I was holding her in my arms but now, it's her scent stay still, soon mawawala rin..

I continue to walk, and look at my way..

I feel my broken heart break even more, it's only her who can do that.. The scene is too much, I can't do a single move but to stare at that painful view, wherein, my sister..kissing my lover's forehead tenderly, Ako dapat ang gumagawa nun.. Ako dapat ang nagko-comfort sa kaniya..

I----I realized I was very stupid..

I should hold her even more, tighter even the destiny is against us..

Damn, ang tanga ko sobra..

But, I cannot take back what I said, what I've done..

Now, I know the essence of thinking first before doing something that I might regret after..

That should be me, my starlight.. Who is holding you so tight, not everyone else's.. I might die after seeing you with anyone..

But I let go of you..in the times that you need me, I need you, we need both of us..

I look sadly at them, after my sister walks away, I feel my heart is tearing upon seeing her tired, lonely eyes staring at mine.. Extreme jealousy driven me, my eyes, they become numb, I feel they show no emotion..
It's my decision afterall, being far away from her, dapat kong pangatawanan at pagsisihan, I started to build walls again, pero sisirain at sisirain pa rin ng kaniyang bawat titig na ganiyan..

Tumitig sa akin ng may pagmamahal, sa kabila ng sakit..

Tinging nami-miss ako, kahit ilang segundo pa lang ang nakalipas..

Those guilty looks she can offer upon doing things that unpleasant to me..

It makes me wanna get her again, makes me wann crawl back at her..

I look away and started to walk away again, this is what I can do for now, ignore her kahit di ko kaya, magpanggap na wala na siyang katiting na parte pero sa totoo sinakop na niya ang puso ko..

She's, like something I can't live without..

But it's my choice of letting her go, letting her out..

I feel the lump in my throat, I cover my mouth to stop myself from sobbing so no one can hear me, seeing my weak side.. I slowly go to my room and lock myself, isolate myself from anyone.. I want to be alone..

I get wine and a glass, I sat on the sofa near the window, while moon is shining, together with the stars, they shine so bright..

My love is like a star now, she seems so close yet so far.. but I know for sure...she can shine still without the moon..

And, I am like the moon..hides when the weather is bad, when the clouds are gray..when it's after rain..

I smiled sadly and just like my tears, the memories with her under the pale moonlight continue to flows..

Her hazel eyes

Sweet promising voice

Crinkled forehead when she can't understand my mood