camren smut and things

Closure

(the music above, is the music that was played in my brain while writing)
LAUREN POV
It hasn't stopped raining for weeks now. I feel like as much as I cry the more it rains. How many days has it been? How long have I been laying in this bed? I guess the blue aurora from my lights in my room hasn't helped in the slightest. I need to get up, I need to move on. But even thinking of having to move on makes me sick. I can still smell her. I can still picture her in my head. The way her curls fall in my palms. The way she'd.....smile...at everything I said. I try to sleep but it's like she's everywhere.

"Hey," a small voice brings me out of my thoughts. There she is. She's leaning against the doorway, an innocent look on her face.

"Hi baby," I motioned her to come lay on the bed. She crawls from the end of the bed into my arms and she lets out a small sigh.

"I miss this," she says. Miss?

"What do you mean miss? You're here." I reassure. I ignore her statement and start rubbing her body. We stop talking. It was very silent almost, but the fade of soft music was in the background. My lights in the bedroom would lose its contrast and start to blink slowly. Something about this energy was very relaxing.

"I love you so much," she breaks the silence and leans toward me to give me a kiss. She slowly pecks my lips repeatedly, I can tell by the way she's kissing me something is wrong. She's not okay. But for some reason the words I wanted to say and the things I wanted to ask never fell off my tongue. I let her lips attach to mine and our tongues start touching one another's. I guide her thighs to sit on top of me, without breaking our kiss.

"Forever, right?" She asks.

"Of course...we are forever," I reassure once again. "I love you...nothing will ever change that." I smile at her and hold her face in my hands. Everything about her felt so right and real. Like the world had stopped and it was just me and her.

"I love you," she whispers as she removes her shirt exposing her chest. Her curls land perfectly on her exposed nipples, she was perfect. I sit up, meeting her chest and my lips. My hands glide up and down her back as my tongue moves around her nipple. Her soft moans, that I know she does because she knows what it does to me, sound so sexy. The tension in the room was thick, I almost felt drunk. Forcing myself to be slow and take my time, something I'd have trouble doing. I rub her body, as her lips meant mine once again. I spin us around, laying her on the bed gently but still in a seemingly romantic way.

"This is my favorite part," she pauses our kissing and whispers to me.

"What?" I question.

"The part before you fuck me," she whispers. Her bottom lip slowly guide between her teeth. She's so...fucking...sexy. I didn't hesitate to move my hands below her belly button. I start to massage her clit slowly, watching her squirm for more. I position myself between her so...fucking...soft legs. My face between them is my favorite thing. She has no idea what she does to me.

"You're so wet baby," My fingers glide inside of her, slowly. My tongue follow to her clit. She makes a rhythm with her hips, to move the opposite way my fingers are moving inside her. She's...so....fucking...sexy when she rides my fingers.

"That's it baby," I smile. I let her ride my fingers before i remove them and use my tongue. I lick between the lips, slowly going in and out. She begins a little bounce as she pushes herself from the headboard. Her long legs are straight up, pointed toes. I move my face around, making sure I'm hitting every wet, warm part of her. I rub my hands up and down her thigh and before I could do anything else, I heard a whimper. Worried, I look up at Camila, met with tears.

"Baby?" I get up and stand from the bed, waiting for her to sit up. "What's wrong love?"

She wipes away the few tears and gave a small smile. "I just-" she looks down and shakes her head. I'm so worried, and confused...and more so worried.

"Baby you can talk to me," I reassure her, grabbing her hands. I sit next to her hoping she'd look back up and meet my eyes..but she didn't. She was looking at her fingers, softly whimpering for a couple minutes.

She looks at me, for a very...weirdly long time. What is going on? Why is she being this way? What did I do? "Lauren," she whispers. She grabs my face with one hand and rubs her thumb across my cheek, as tears fall onto hers.

"Camila....what-"

"You need to let me go,"

What? What the fuck does that even mean?

"Wh-?"

"You can't keep doing this to yourself Lauren," she tells me. And for some reason, it's like my tongue stopped working. I couldn't speak, I could only see her slowly...melting? She disappears into the blue aurora in my room. Is this what shock is? Is that what I'm feeling? My body feels like it's levitating and the blood in my body has stopped flowing. I feel so weightless but my brain feels so very heavy and somehow...I saw the light. I felt myself fall back into my body and immediately my eyes opened. I sat and stared at my ceiling for minutes.

"No-" I shake my head. In disbelief and aggravation. "No, no no.." I place my hands over my eyes. I give myself a few minutes to collect myself, and to get back into reality. I had replayed my dream over and over and over again and convinced myself it was a sign.

"I can't-" I whisper to myself. I can't go see her again. I can't have my heart broken again. It happens everytime. It ruins me everytime.

"Fuck," I breath. I throw on some clothes and applied a small amount of makeup. The state of denial almost talked me out of going, but I know deep down my soul needs this. One last time and I think I might be ready to move on. It's been too long.

I make a 45 minute drive. The longest drive to take when heading into heart wrenching energy. Each mile closer I got, the heavier my heart felt. But here I was, pulling into the parking lot. The sky is cloudy, no sun, no light. Like a blanket of sadness.

"You can do this Lauren," I motivate myself as I approach her spot.

"A beautiful soul, may we meet again." The tombstone read under her name. Her flowers were fresh, showing her loved ones were here prior to me. I sit infront of the grave trying my hardest not to cry.

"I miss you so much baby," I place my hand over her name. Trying to find this fucking closure but I never can. "I love you,"

I sat and thought of our memories. The good and bad. Our relationship wasn't always perfect. Nor was it always public. But there was something between us so tight. We were meant to be in this life together. Our paths meant to cross. We were together for a reason...but what was the reason of her leaving me?