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(to _sinfulvibes_. still waiting for you fill the promise of reading)
ESTELA LOPEZ TASTED like what a long unfulfilled wish finally coming true must have tasted like. It was surreal, euphoric, and absolutely warming. All at once.
Maya couldn't remember the last time she had felt this way. Or if she had ever felt this way.
She is pretty sure she hasn't. Even though, hungover the morning after the kiss, Maya knows that she regrets it deep in her soul, a part of her is happy that she got to share at least one kiss with her.
She is not happy that she accidentally outed herself to her best friend by drunkenly kissing her but she sure as hell loves the feeling that came with kissing her.
Maya Arora wishes like anything that the moment had never ended.
Kissing Estela was like starting a war or raising hell. The beginning made you feel powerful and undefeatable but the aftermath was ugly in ways everyone hated.
She faintly remembers that Estela kissed her back for a few blessed seconds before she mumbled, "Jack", before pushing her away. Even through her blurry eyes, Maya recalls the way Estela flipped her hair and wiped the corner of her lips—lips she just kissed.
"What was that, Maya?" she questioned, her face expression matching her tone of voice.
Maya will never be able to tell her coming out story with a straight face. She cringes at it now. Not only had she come out as "not straight"—she had no labels to put on her sexuality—but she may also have told her best friend of five years that she was in love. With her.
She wants to combust. Really, she does.
"I really like you," She said yesterday and Maya of Today can't be more thankful that she hadn't made a full-blown confession or even said the other L word.
She has never been more thankful in her life that she can't handle her alcohol. Throwing up after saying that had been what saved her from eternal trauma.
She buries her face in the pillow, thinking how Estela was missing from their shared dorm room. Estela always made her a "hangover drink" after any parties.
But there is no drink now nor is Estela.
God, she misses Estela already.
Maya hasn't yet wondered about what will happen to them.
There is a huge cloud of uncertainty hanging over their friendship and just the thought of it makes Maya want to throw up again. She wants to pin this blame on the alcohol from yesterday but it’s the anxiety bubbling in her stomach.
She had imagined this many times before, what kissing Estela would feel like but Maya never thought she would actually end up doing it. Granted she wasn’t in her best state of mind when she did it, Maya always thought that even her drunken subconscious would know better than to do this. She tries to recall what exactly propelled her to take such a drastic step.
It was a factor of things, really. Estela has always been very attractive, she was the only person that could Maya’s interest would doing anything, but yesterday, she was exquisite. The moment before the kiss they had been talking about how Estela had made a mistake of coming to the party. Estela said, “I would have rather stayed in the dorm, cuddling with you and watching an animated movie.”
Maya supposes that is what caused her Drunk-Stupid-Emo self to kiss the living hell out of Estela. She still recalls the taste, the curve of her shoulder, and the softness of her skin under her fingertips.
“God, Maya, why, why, why?” she curses to herself, burying her face in her hands. Sitting up makes her feel dizzy and she craves the hungover drink that is Estela’s specialty. She wonders where Estela is and what she is doing at the moment. Is Estela making the drink all for herself? Is she recalling the night before and thinking of ways to talk to Maya?
Maya knows their friendship is going to suffer from this because the topic had virtually never come up. Neither her not being straight nor being in love with Estela.
Fuck. She is in love with Estela. And now her best friend knows it too.
This has never been the way Maya imagined it to be. What if Estela asks her questions she doesn’t even know the answer to? And from how much she knows the girl, it is going to happen. Estela is a curious bird and the type to talk about her feelings. She loves answers more than anything and now she is going to bug Maya for answers.
As if on cue, the curious bird walks in. The sound of the doorknob turning makes Maya turn her head and she sees Estela. She is relieved to see that Estela looks normal. But the thing is, both of them look normal but nothing is. Even the air feels different. It is palpable with a tension that crawls over her skin and makes her feel uneasy.
She has never felt uneasy around Estela Lopez. This is the first time. It’s a first for a lot of things but she isn’t particularly fond of this one.
“Hey,” Estela greets in her usual voice—soft and sweet. However, her eyes are different. There’s a certain hesitance in her eyes that hurts Maya’s heart. She swallows down the hurt, trying to look as normal as possible. Maya sits up and sits with her legs crossed.
“Hi,” Maya greets back, trying to see if Estela is going to start The Conversation now or if she is saving it for later. “You slept well?” she asks because Estela can’t sleep well when others are around or if she isn’t in her own bed.
“Not really, no,” Estela says, gesturing to the faint dark circles under her eyes. She opens her mouth and Maya knows what is coming next. She isn’t mentally prepared for this. She talks to herself at least thrice before ordering a drink or putting up her hand in the class; there is no way she can talk about herself without being prepared even if it is with her best friend.
Fear grips her, wrapping around her throat and she feels like she is being choked.
Maya runs her hand through her hair as she gets up from the bed. “Do you want anything? Water? Biscuits? I don’t think you have had breakfast, yet. Let’s have it together,” she says, desperately trying to delay the conversation for as long as possible and buy herself some time.
She doesn’t think she isn’t ready to come out but it’s the fact that she has outed herself. She hates it. It gives her so much to overthink about and it is not good for her health.
“Maya, I know what you are trying to do,” Estela says and Maya stops. Of course, you do. You have been my best friend for five years. It still doesn’t stop her from spitting out those dreaded words, though. Words that always make Maya’s head spin.
“I think we need to talk.”
———
so, this is a very, very short story and it's the first draft. if you spot spelling/grammatical errors, feel free to point them out.
constructive criticism is always welcome and i'm excited to hear what you all think about this x
