Forgetting The Clown (Hisoka x Reader)

⭐ 01 ~

People were right when they talk about love. When they say that it hurts and when they say that it's fulfilling.

Both were true to each of us. Some became heartbroken too much, they started not to trust. Love was such a fuck up thing. One moment you were happy. Then suddenly, like a bullet being shot, you were hurt... Dying after... Then nothing at all.

Even the worst criminal can feel that shot. A bullet that can give you everything and nothing at the same time. You need to know how to handle it. You cannot be shot if there's no one who shoot. There's always someone at the end of the line, you just need to face them fully and understand. But understanding and knowing them sometimes isn't just enough.

A Shot that made you feel even more alive, a shot that could also kill you. Would you take the risk and not avoid to be shot? Or would you turn away so you could not get hurt?

But it's too late to some people... They are already dead and cannot avoid being hit. Those who seek it with empty hearts, trying to fill it with something. Even if it's dangerous.

She never thought about finding something. She was contented and she was filled with dark rooms. It was too dark that she didn't realize that she is empty. And that space was just big enough for another murderous clown to enter.

He filled him with everything. A once dark and lonely room morp into one of a shadow and dance with the rhythm of their own black hearts. Dancing with dangerous flames, they are not even scared to touch it.
And here she thought she would finally be happy...

The shadow cannot be tamed... The shadow that the clown had created.. It was not sane.

She died as the shadow eat her from the inside before it disappeared. Leaving her with nothing but a memory.

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"You should get out sometimes. The sun won't harm you" an empty voice said in the dark room. Avoiding raising his voice as to not startle the woman who looks out from her bedroom window. Hoping to get a glimpse of the shadow that once dance with her with bare feet. Uncaring of the torns and flowers.

"I'm not scared of the sun. I just felt comfort being with the shadows of this room" she said, "and maybe he's with me all this time. I just can't see him" she mumbled to herself, not reaching the man's ear, making him look at her with confusion.

"Your child is waiting for you in his room. You should go visit him" He insisted. He cared for her. And he can't watch her kill herself for a man who never cared. If only he knows what to do...

"I'm sure he's fine." she said, tears started to cloud her gaze. She cannot hold it in.

Her child's eyes. Where had she seen it before? Why does it hurt so much to stare at those orbs? Why does it remind her of something she cannot remember? It hurts and it confuses her..

She deny and denies. She does not know those eyes.. Those bright yellow eyes...

In the back of her mind, she buried everything. She would deny and deny. She does not know him. She never knew him.

Pathetic.... She did not survive.. After all.

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"Ne.. Where's Mama? " The child asked with an adorable voice. His bright yellow eyes shine with innocence.

"She's..... Resting." The butler said. Gazing at the child sadly. He had always been the one to take care of this child. Watching him grow up until he can walk and talk.

Why was his mother never cared for him. He can see that she cared from when she watch him sleep whenever she visits in the night, just staring at her child with so much love. But why won't she look him in the eyes? Visit him in the morning? Tell him she cares?  What stops her from doing all of that?

"Mama must be tired.  She's always tired... I hope mama is fine" the child said, frowning as he clutch his blanket tightly. Tears making its way out of his eyes.

The butler stared.. Not knowing what to do. He's such a smart child.. He needs more care..

The butler hesitantly reach his hand out. Patting the kid on his head. Whispering that his mama was just really tired but he loves him very much.

"Mama l-loves me... Right?" the child asked with shaky voice. Tears streaming down his face as he looks down and tried to control his cries. Mama might not love him even more of she found him crying. Mama never cried.. Mama is strong.

Unknown to them, the mother was just outside the door. Listening to his child...

Her heart throb, yet she still did not cry. It has been four years since he was born.. And he would only see a glimpse of her everytime. He wants to hold his mama and she wants to do the same. But those eyes...

She cannot stare at them. She cannot look into those eyes.

Why isn't she looking? Because it hurts.

Weeks and months past. She never visit in the morning, only when he was asleep. Eyes close as he breath peacefully. Unknown to him was his mother watching his every breath. Singing him a lullaby even if he can't hear her. She just want to sing him a song. Be a mother... Even if he doesn't know.

Then... Something change.
When she visits him. He pretended to be asleep as she sing him a song.

Suddenly, he smiled. Eyes still close as he reach out his hand, holding his mother's arms.

She stop wide eye. Yet he still pretend to be asleep. Frowning when she stop singing.

"I-I.. " she did not finish.

"Mama? I won't open my eyes.. So if this is a dream you won't be gone... I just want to hold mama even if I can't see her it's fine" the child said. Holding onto her tightly. His face turning into a frown as he pouted his lips. He just wanted mama to stay...

And she realized... What have she done? He is all she have. He won't leave her.. Won't he?

"It's ok baby. You can open your eyes" she said. Stroking his hair.

He shook his head. Still holding onto her tightly.

"Mama will stay here baby. Mama wontwgo away this time"

Little by little... He opened his eyes.

And as promised.. She stayed by his side. Never to leave him alone again.