BestSelf {book 2}

2.

I want to tell my mother that I am pregnant but I fear that she will try to convince me to keep this child.

I simply do not want it , I'm trying not to sound so harsh either but I just can't carry around this baby, knowing who he or she came from.

"Well have you considered adoption?" Skylar asked me as we were sitting in her car.

"No.. I mean, I don't know" I haven't really considered adoption because I know me and I know that once I lay my eyes on the baby I'm going to want to keep it.

I wouldn't put Keenan in the position to decide whether or not he wants to help me raise a child that isn't his , even though I do already know what his answer would be.

"Well you have a week and half to decide what you want to do, really think about it Ti, don't just not have the baby because of whom it's by, you would make a great mother and I know for a fact that Keenan would support you whether or not the child is his" she said to me.

I just sighed and nodded. Maybe I should consult with Keenan. I haven't really said that many words to him so I know this'll be a shocker.

I checked my phone and as usual I'm getting a bunch of messages. I barely touch my phone anymore. I've been doing more reading then anything. I even deleted all social media apps.

It was around 10pm meaning Keenan was going to be making me my snack. He has this timed schedule that he follows everyday.

He makes me breakfast , we lay down together. He got us coloring books with our favorite super hero's, he makes me lunch and Tay'Vian comes to chill with us, we lay down some more and he talks to me catching me up with everything happening in the world, we take a nap, wake up , he makes us dinner , I shower then he showers and we lay down for the rest of the night then he makes me another snack before I knock right out (well he thinks I knock out). I let him think I'm sleeping because then he'll try to stay up with me when I know he's pretty exhausted himself.

I swear I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. I wish I could talk to him, I do miss the way he holds me but I'm just not ready for that yet.

"When are you gonna tell him?" Skylar asked "I have to tell him soon, I think I'm gonna do it tonight .. I can't ever keep anything away from him again" I told her truthfully.

I feel like such a hypocrite because when we first was having our problems we told each other that we were gonna tell everything , and yet I kept the whole Nate thing away from him.

I hope he doesn't take the blame , he has no reason too.

"It's good that you rather tell him sooner than later" she said "yeah" I nodded and got out of her car.

"I'll be back after I smoke this blunt, I would ask you to join but now I know you're preggers" she said

I just rolled my eyes and shut the door. I walked into the house and everyone was just laughing and watching a movie.

"Ti you wanna join us?" My father asked me.

I thought about it for a second "I'm okay, I'm just gonna go read my book" I told them

"Okay" he said.

I made my way upstairs to my room and Keenan was just walking out of the steamy bathroom with his towel wrapped around his waist.

"Heyy, I had got you a salad from Chick-fil-A right before they closed" he told me "thank you" I said to him, "no problem" he responded back.

I really don't have an appetite especially when my anxiety is going through the roof.

I have to tell him though, I hate that I haven't had a conversation with Keenan in weeks and this is the first one we're about to have after the situation.

I sat in my bed reading my book and waited for him to put his clothes on.

Once he got in bed and laid down next to me I finally spoke up.

"Um.. Keenan" I said "yes?" He questioned.

We were looking at each other , our eyes never leaving one another. He was worried about me. I watched as he analyzed my face making sure I was okay but I didn't show any emotion.

I wanted to hug him , a really really long never ending hug.

"I have to tell you something" I said to him. He sat up and prepared himself to hear what I had to say.

"Go ahead" he spoke. I started fidgeting with my fingers and looking around.

All of a sudden the tears came "Ti .. I-.." I watched as he tried to grab for my hand but then hesitated and pulled away , which caused me to cry even more.

"Can I touch you?" He asked me. I just looked at him and nodded my head.

He grabbed me and brought me into the tightest hug I've ever received.

I just kept crying more and more "it's okay Ti, I love you ... I love you so much" he reassured me.

"I hate seeing you like this, I miss your smile, I miss the way your eyes use to light up whenever you saw us, I miss the feeling of warmth your presence use to bring me. I even miss your brown lipstick" he said all of this to me while I was still wrapped in his arms.

"I'm so sorry" I said to him "why are you sorry?" He asked me.

"I'm pregnant Keenan, and it's not your baby it's one of theirs" I cringed.

I feel so disgusting "you're apologizing for what? There's no need to apologize Tiara, you didn't control any of this" he said to me.

"I don't know what to do, I want to get an abortion but then Skylar brought up adoption and I don't think I can go through with either" I cried even harder.

"What do you want to do?" He asked me "abortion's just make me so sad because I know the fetus isn't even developed yet but it's still a potential life , I would just hate to not feel connected with this baby" I cried to him.

"I understand , but that baby didn't ask to be born or ask for their father to be a terrible person , my whole thing is if you choose to have this child it'll have the most supportive people as family and the best mother , bound to be perfect" he said to me.

"And then with adoption , I couldn't just give my baby away I'm sorry I can't" I added on.

"Also very understandable, just know that whatever choice you make Ti it will be supported" Keenan reassured me.

"What did I do to deserve you" I held onto him longer.

"I know I'm the best" he joked and I actually laughed

"Now wipe these tears" he wiped my face

"Can I kiss you?" He asked me.

I nodded my head and he left a quick peck on my lips.

"I love you" I said to him

"I love you moree" he said to me.

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Do you guys think Ti is going to keep the baby? Abort it? Or put it up for adoption?

Lemme know what you thinkkkk

XxJordyn