Antichrist (Frerard)

16: Taking Up Residence In Bob Bryar's Butt

Mikey hated keeping secrets, especially from his boyfriend, especially when it involved his boyfriend, and especially when it wasn't just one secret, but two.

And it was two terrible secrets: just as terrible as each other, yet one related to Ray's physical demise, and the other related to Ray's mental demise, and just what Mikey Way had been doing with Pete Wentz.

But it was just what Mikey had been doing with Pete Wentz that was the big problem, because really, when it came to cheating on your boyfriend, there was no easy way to explain it, especially not after you'd told him that he was going to die some time soon, because everyone had been nice enough to give Mikey the responsibility of breaking Ray's heart, twice.

Mikey wondered why he even bothered with friendships, and friendships built on cowardice at that, but he was a vampire and this was a town of vampire slayers and really he had little else to expect at all; he was too be feared, and people had nothing more than cowardice, and in Pete's kind of messed up case, excessive admiration, to give him.

Ray was the only person that saw past that and Ray fucking loved him, and dear god, he loved Ray too, but that had all gone to shit now and it hardly mattered at all, because the reality very clearly was that he and Ray were going end in one of two ways, but very, very soon, and he hated what was his fault, yet in turn, couldn't quite hate himself. He wondered if it was some kind of narcissism he'd inherited from Gerard, but whatever it was doing, it was keeping some sanity about him, and he had to be thankful for that, even if in the most crude of manners.

And maybe he just had to stop thinking: to stop fucking up, to stop stalling, and maybe he just had to put his dignity and anything else he might ever considering valuing about himself aside, and fuck up his life in direct consequence of the way he'd ruined Ray's, and the way, that somehow it just had to be.

Mikey didn't doubt Bert’s predictions at all, as he'd relied on them heavily in the past, but little did he know just how horribly that belief was going to come back and haunt his fucking sanity to shit. It would have been so much easier to hold onto ignorance and discard everything, and lie through his teeth about his fucking fuck up with Pete, and then continue to lie himself away into a state of insanity at Ray's graveside, because this was going to happen, and maybe- just maybe, instead of moping around regarding how to tell his boyfriend how he'd died, maybe, just maybe, he could try and stop this.

Ah, a way to avoid the problem entirely, Mikey Way, being far too familiar with cowardice, could say that he really did rather like the idea of this; the idea of running, but running away from his problems with a far too valid and a far too believable excuse - one he could even fathom believing himself, and truly, that was a terrible thing.

So Mikey left the record store in the early morning, before Ray had woken up, because he'd given up on waiting for him to wake, and he'd given up the idea of actually waking him up years before he'd even considered it, because Mikey was a coward too, and maybe Mikey was just happier not knowing that Ray had been awake for far too long, and just waiting for Mikey to say something, but ended up waiting for Mikey to leave, and sitting there in a state of confused silence as he couldn't piece anything together at all.

-

Mikey just fucking ran. He ran like he had nothing else to do, and really, he didn't.

He hadn't a clue as to how he'd would fix this, and he couldn't find a way out of this mess for the life of him and maybe, he should enlist the help of Bert or Bob or someone, but they'd know of his cowardice, and they'd know what he should have said, but didn't, and he couldn't have that, so maybe he just had to go to someone far too arrogant to even consider doing anything but laughing at the situation, and would only get involved because Mikey's emotional demise did nothing but highly amuse him.