This Thing Upon Me [Order The eBook] [Harry Styles]

Chapter 30

I switched my playlist in search of a diversion, like someone who'd been deprived of human contact for a while and would remain so for the foreseeable future. A hush filtered throughout the car as I sifted through songs like a crate of old vinyls. Deniece William's "Silly" spoke to my soul, and it was here I considered calling my mom. It was late afternoon in her neck of the woods, and I knew she was the only person in my close circle unaware of what took place last night. Seeing that Jeff had called seven times and left a few livid texts, I was positive he'd also called all of my other LA connections in search of me. His disgruntled messages demonstrated he was worried that I'd been drinking and driving, but even in that state I refused to do anything that stupid. He should've thought better of me...or maybe I hadn't given him reason to.

After a bit more debate, I rang my mom. She answered right away, gleefully calling me her baby. I smiled like a loon, always moved by her receptiveness and extreme fondness of me. Nothing I could do or say would ever take her affection from me, and sometimes that was all I needed to get by.

I hadn't realized how misunderstood and friendless I felt until I heard her voice and the steadfast, unconditional adoration she held for me. I teared up listening to her talk about her day (she was oblivious to my desperation.) She'd be ashamed if she knew I had camped out on a street and drank all night. Particularly if she knew whose street it was. 

"Harry? Love? Still there?"

"Yeah, mum. M'here," I breathed.

"You sound a tad down, love. Everything ok?" I smiled wearily, but couldn't tell her anything.

"M'fine," I quieted. "Just miss you, is all." That made her day and earned me a bubbly laugh.

"Now you see why I call you so much! I miss you too, love. I was hopin' you'd come home for a week or two. Or more..."

"Will do. I'll get there before filming starts...and stay as long as possible."

"Ugh my heart skips a beat each time it comes up. I can't even comprehend it yet. My baby, an actor.... I don't want to fuss over you too much—and I don't want to make the girls cross by always talkin' up you and Gem's accomplishments, but this ought to be celebrated, I say!" She gave a little involuntary aww. "And everyone's just so happy for you, love. The music is one thing, but Christopher Nolan is quite another."

"Yeah... I know, tell me about," I smirked. "I'm a lucky bastard..."

"M'so proud of you, love. You deserve it so much, Harry,"

"Thanks, mum. Appreciate that. I really do—"

"Y'happy, Harry?"

"Mm-hm," I nodded rigorously to convince myself. "Really happy."

"Good—"

"I've gotta have a trim for the role, too, so there's that. I, uh, think I want you to be there." That amused her.

"Don't think I'd recognize you anymore with short hair. You quite prepared for that?"

"Not really. Sometimes I think I am, then I look in the mirror and, uh, just can't picture myself with short hair y'know? Especially not since like what? 20...2013? Dunno what'd I'd look like with, uh, normal hair per say. Normal short hair, anyway."

"Not like the band stuff, right? No Lou this time?"

"Dunno...she might style it afterwards. I'm just so used to the way she works, and she knows what I like."

"Good then. It should be really good then after all."

"A fresh start..."

"Sort of symbolic, then, when you think of it that way," she chuckled again. "Rob says you oughtta just wear a wig and call it a day!" Then as usual, she broke off and began having a conversation with him and relayed everything he said to me, instead of just switching to speaker phone.