Audrey Hepburn's Pearls: Part II

Chapter 114.1: 1995, Georgina

Chapter 114.1: 1995, Georgina

In the half light of the morning, it's hard to tell where I am some days. My head is under the covers, just my eyes present and looking out at the window. No bird song yet. A radio on somewhere, mumblings in the early light. The window is open, the white curtains, beige in the orange light, drifting closer.

They remind me of a bridal veil. A lace veil, Chantilly with large rose patterns.

A half dream. Me, going up stone steps. Soft clicking of kitten heels, modest for the occasion. A chapel trained white dress. The veil drags behind, too long. White roses in my hand.

No one is beside me. No one is leading me up those steps. I am alone. The doors open. It is a small court building.

Inside, there is my Frankie. Familiar dark navy suit. Hand outstretched, a gentle smile. The judge is standing up. He is smiling, too. Frankie's father is sitting there on a comfortable chair. Paulie is also in a smart suit, brown and fine. He is there to witness us. He's smiling at me.

"Where have you been?" he says. "You're late. But oh, you look beautiful. I'm so proud of you."

I start to cry and he fusses, taking out his red hankie. He remembers to dab, of course. He wouldn't ruin my makeup, not today. He takes my hand and we're cascading down more stairs, coming closer.

He hands me over to Frankie, and I hold his strong hands. They're so sure. So sure of the love he has for me, strong, beautiful. I just want to turn them over in my hands, study them, press them to my cheek. But the judge is saying something, and I look at the judge.

A familiar song starts up, the record Frankie bought for me. "Unchained Melody," I say. Our vows are over, we are man and wife. On my finger is a plain yellow gold band, right under my engagement ring. We kiss, and it's like a fairy tale. There's nobody else in the world but us.

I get to the part where our friends are throwing bird seed on us as we run out of the church, crying, smiling. Frankie lifts me up in his arms, spins me in such happiness that I might faint from it all.

Then I remember where I am and I can't stand it.

I'm alone. I'm alone. I'm alone.

I'm alone. I crumple the bed covers over my eyes and bury my face in the darkness. My body curls, comforting myself.

The same half dream of many years.

It was the song again. I still have the record. I buried it in my closet, trying to forget it a long time ago. Couldn't bear to remember it was there, couldn't bear the throw it out. No, I could never part with it. I don't want to remember.

I roll over, and a warmth envelops my back. It wraps around my front, and a hot wetness presses to the back of my neck. Tears drip, rolling down my chin in the dark.

"Are you awake?" A quiet voice.

I nod, but she can't see. She can feel it.

"I love you," she says, almost a whisper. Too sleepy to be fully there.

"I love you, Cha Cha," I whisper back.

She relaxes, and I know she's asleep. The tears won't stop. But somewhere along the way, in the half dream, I start to dream, too.