Never Shall I Ever.

I've always had trouble with myself

*Later that day*

I was sitting on the couch when Chris came in. I smiled at him then looked back to the TV. He sat next to me, fairly close. He moved the hair from my shoulder and kissed my neck. I smiled. We had been dating a year now, but we've never done anything more than kiss or a silly make out session when we feel like it. Sometimes he gets close, but never close enough to getting in my pants. I don't let him. I wouldn't let anyone honestly. I turned to him and kissed his lips. When I pulled away, knowing I had his attention, I shook my head no as I smiled at him. His smile faded but didn't completely go away. 

"Okay. I don't want to force you." He smiled. It made me happy knowing that he wouldn't rush it if I didn't want to. It's not like I didn't want to, I did! I just had problems with it.

*Flashback*

As I stood in front of my mirror, I grabbed my stomach, pulling out the skin in every direction. Fat. I turned to the side, and continued looking at my stomach. So fat. I frowned and a tear fell from my left eye. I faced the mirror again and looked at my scars. Ugly. I ran my hand over them, feeling every bump. I had a huge scarred area over my left thigh. I touched them, and winced slightly at the feel of them. My mind raced with thoughts. You see these? How is someone supposed to love you with these? Hahahaha you'll die a virgin. Who will find these sexy? HA! You're such a joke. 

*End of flashback*

Chris turned to me. "Hey."

"Hi?" I laughed.

"Is the reason you wont be naked in front of me the same reason you wont go to a beach or a pool or wear anything too skin revealing?"

I sighed and looked down, "What're you talking about?" I looked back up at him and smiled.

"I know you better than that. You're covering. You know what I'm talking about, that's a fake smile. I know you have scars if that's it don't worry  about tho-"

"It's not that." I said. I knew it was though. "Well. It's kind of that. Just.. you're not going to find those attractive. Even if you find my face attractive, once you see them, you'll look at me like an injured puppy.. Honestly who's going to find scars sexy?"

He looked sad, "I don't have to find your scars themselves sexy. Your skin is your skin. It's beautiful okay? I have scars too. You know that. You know I wont just change how I feel about you once I see them. You've known me long enough to know that."

I smiled slightly. He nodded his head, and put his arms out for a hug. I crawled across the couch and wrapped myself in him. We ended up watching The Lion King and I fell asleep in his arms once again.