PROJECT LIFE - The journal of a street kid

Unloved

Cindy Sisonke my baby sister, was her mother's daughter. They both loved spending time together. I simply enjoyed seeing them happy.

I always felt that if I was more like my little sister Cindy, maybe my mother would accept and possibly even spend time with me as she does with Cindy.

'I have to do something about this'. I thought to myself  as I watch them both enjoy a little laughter over a conversation they were having at the kitchen table.

I long for a personal relation with my mother but there was no way that I could forge it. The truth is I was not like Cindy, who seem to be very good at building and even maintain healthy relationship with our mom Suzanna.

So I started to spend time shadowing Cindy, watching her closely. I wholeheartedly believed she was doing something that I was not aware of! I needed to find out exactly what that was.

We all knew that Cindy was a beautiful girl, I mean even our mother use called to call her "my little princess" and it was not hard to see why! I mean she was pretty and had good heart! She was always so gentle with animals, especially with dogs and cats.

I would watch Cindy enjoying herself while gently applying makeup her face, she would spend time looking at in the mirror located at the dressing table.

My mother would always complement her by telling her how pretty she looked.

I knew I needed to do the something my sister was doing to win over our mother's heart.

I told myself if I made myself look "pretty" maybe my mother would also treat me like she treated Cindy.

So one afternoon, after getting back from school with Cindy when my mother was not at home and Cindy was in a hurry.

She had to change quickly and go back to school for her daily afternoon netball practice.

She quickly went into our room, changed, left the room, greeting me in a flash and off she went to afternoon practice.

I was left alone at home. I knew exactly what I needed to do. I went straight to my mother's room, quietly I closed the door.

Next to my mother's bed on the left hand side was her dressing table located, in front of the mirror on top of the table, there was the makeup that Cindy would use to make herself look pretty.

Slowly I went closer, the closer I got to the dressing table the faster my heart started beating, and my hands started to shake. I knew I needed to do this, this was my only chance for my mother to love me, like she loved my sister; I thought to myself.

As I got to the dressing table, I pulled out the stool that was placed under the dresser and I sat down.

I knew exactly what I needed to do, how could I not? I had watched Cindy do this almost every day and today it was time for me to do it.

My hand reached out for the small wooden tool box, like a jewelry box, slowly I opened it.

My heart was racing even faster at this point, my hands were still trembling. I wanted to do this so badly, "I have to do this," I told myself.

The box was like a magic hat, it contained everything I needed. There was a comb, red lipstick, face powder and the earrings that were my mother's favorite.

I reached out for the lip stick, took it out and opened it, staring at myself in the mirror as I ran it slowly around my lips.

Starting with the bottom lip I worked my way up to the top lip, repeating the process over and over again. The lipstick was like a 'magic stick', the more I ran it all over my lips the better it looked.