Again

Chapter 47

Zac returned home that day, earlier than usual.  He stepped into his house and immediately found Kate asleep on the couch, the T.V. still blaring from whatever show she'd been watching.  He walked over and looked at his wife, sadness coming over him all at once.  His day at work had been chaotic, but it had served as a good distraction for him.  He'd contemplated in his head what he'd say to Kate once he got home.  In his mind, their talk had gone fine.  He'd convinced himself that since Kate had been the one to bring up moving out, it was okay for him to not feel as guilty as he had been about him not being more upset about it.  He played out various scenarios as he sat as his desk, barely getting enough work done to not consider the day a total loss.  Now, however, as he watched his wife sleep, finally looking peaceful after what had been the worst few months of their marriage, he questioned his decision.  He reached over and grabbed the T.V. remote from her hand, and flicked it off.  The sudden change from noise to complete silence caused Kate to stir.  Zac watched as she opened her eyes and gathered her bearings.

"Sorry," he said softly, "I thought I was being helpful."  

Kate smiled warmly, "it's okay," she said.

"You don't have to sleep in the basement, Kate," Zac said as he took a seat next to her on the couch.  She took the blanket that had been laying over her and wrapped it around her body as she crossed her legs.

"I know," she replied softly.  "That's not why I'm tired."

Zac looked over at her but didn't say anything.

"I was worried you weren't going to come home," she admitted.  Zac's heart felt as though it had broken instantly.

"Why?" he asked.

Kate took a deep breath, "I just wasn't sure if you left because of what we'd talked about, or..." she trailed off.

"No... well.... yes," Zac replied.  It was Kate's turn to not reply, "I think I just had a hard time with you saying you want to move out."  

It was now her turn to ask why.

"Honestly?" Zac asked.  Kate raised her eyebrows, signaling that it was what she was asking for, "I felt a little ashamed that you want to leave.  That wasn't easy for me to hear even if things aren't that great right now."

"It has nothing to do with you.  I mean it does, but I don't want to just get away from you.  I just don't honestly think that I can work through whatever it is that I'm going through here, and not cause more damage than there already is," she defended.

"I know," Zac answered quickly.  "I get it.  I got it last night, I just..." 

"Didn't feel like coming home, yet, once you did?" she asked.

Zac nodded. 

"Look Zac," Kate began, "This isn't going to be easy.  I'm not expecting that.  I do think it's necessary though.  Whatever the outcome is, at the very least it can help us individually."  She paused, as she met Zac's eyes.  He nodded silently. 

"There's, um, also something else I wanted to talk to you about," Kate squeaked out.  She lowered her eyes for a moment before returning them back to Zac, "I'm sorry that I went to Kayla's house."  Zac stiffened instantly.  "I don't even know why I did that.  I came home from that dinner for work and when I got here, I was drunk and you were gone, and I got mad.  I didn't even make it in the house.  My car was at the restaurant, so I just started walking towards Diana's house.  Like that's where you were going to be.  When I got there and didn't see your truck, I got more mad.  I looked over, saw her house, and I guess I just... went.  If I wasn't so embarrassed about falling asleep on her couch I'd be glad about it just because that means I didn't have enough time to embarrass myself more."  Zac could tell by her tone that she was being sincere.  It only made him feel more guilty about his own visit to Kayla's house.