The Art of Being a F*ck Up

9. Double Dates are the Worst

The order of the universe really does have the weirdest balance, like it's all a chain of action and reaction, give and take. Same as walking that fine line between Maddy and Jonah, with a foot in both worlds, I'm getting good at being what people need me to be. I cover for Bill at the garage so he can keep calling off mysteriously—most likely to deal with my dad—and now I'm stuck chaperoning Devin on this date because he's too much of a coward to face my ex-girlfriend alone. Not that I'm one to talk, I haven't gone out with Maddy like this in years and it's hard to describe, but it feels kind of karmic or like I'm being punished. Either way it's designed to screw me over, more and more I'm starting to question how I got here.

"Tell me again why I agreed to this?" Jonah makes his disdain for the plan clear. It'd taken a lot of convincing to get him to agree to this date with Maddy and Devin, and it'd also taken a couple acts that would probably make his dad ashamed, but I made him see my side eventually. For all the good it did anyway, now that we've made it to the restaurant he seems to be having second thoughts as he grabs my shirt firmly, leaning in close. "Wouldn't you rather we just go back to my place? I've got the dorm all to myself."

"Stop, you know it's not fair to tempt me like that," I smirk, our lips barely touching. If it was any other day I might take my chances, but exams are only a few weeks off now, I can't afford to fuck this up—even if Jonah makes it so irresistibly hard by trying to lure me away with sex. Yet as difficult as it is, especially on account of how good he smells, I resist. "But you help me get through this, and I promise to make it worth your while later."

"I'm going to hold you to that then," he pushes me back, grinning devilishly before brushing by to go inside. After I join him in the restaurant we manage to spot Devin rather quickly even with how moderately busy it is. It's mostly because the moment he sees us he bolts up from the table he's secured to wave us over like a lunatic, and despite my initial instinct to pretend that I don't know him, Jonah and I go to greet him.

"Wait, no, what the fuck are you doing?" Devin squeaks, almost panicked when I start to slide into the booth across from him. In the awkward half-standing, half-sitting position he's caught me in, I stare at him blankly. Fortunately he's got the common sense to lower his voice as he whines, "you can't make me sit with her!"

"I'm pretty sure that's how a date works, Dev." I blink.

"Not today it doesn't, I'm only doing this because you made me. Why don't you sit with her?"

"Don't be such a pussy, man up."

"Guys," Jonah interrupts suddenly, nodding his head towards the door to signal Maddy's arrival. In the instant I crane my neck to look at her I lose all ground, because Devin latches onto Jonah and practically drags him into his booth. I'm left all alone for when she somehow finds her way to us without effort, perhaps smelling Devin's fear like a shark smells blood. Adaptability has always been one of her strong suits—it has to be when you're constantly concerned with what people think about you—so when she uses that great power to transform into the girl next door I'm thrown.

"Sorry, it took me forever to find the place, I've never been here before. Have you guys been waiting long?" She slides into my booth without a second thought, even when we're arm to arm. It's the closest I've probably been to her in five years, but she doesn't seem to pay it any mind as she glances around the table, expecting someone to respond. After she gets nothing from Jonah or Devin—who are evidently just as shocked as I am by her unusually tame demeanor—she looks to me instead. "What?"

"Nothing, no worries, we've only been here for like five minutes so you're all good. Did you cut your hair? You look really pretty." It's not like I don't mean it, I've always thought she's pretty, even when she's not trying to be, but this whole thing has me so nervous that I can't keep my foot out of my mouth. Her hand instinctively reaches up to touch her golden tresses absently while she checks me over, as if maybe she can't decide if she believes what I said or not. Then we hear Devin yelp.