Limerence |James Potter|

Twenty-Six

"I just wanna tell you, it takes everything in me not to call you."

ϟϟϟ

It was easy for Selene to find James after she was done with classes for the day. She went to the Quidditch pitch first, knowing that he would be frustrated after losing the last game. She saw a figure on a broom long before she reached the Quidditch pitch, zooming and waving about in the air. A Quaffle was zooming through the air as the figure threw it to a spot and dived down to catch it, chasing the speed of air itself.

It was a calm spring day, allowing for the broom to gain speed and catch up to the Quaffle with no resistance from the wind before it hit the ground. Selene arrived at the pitch, going towards the field instead of her normal path to the stands. Sure enough, she saw the familiar colours of James' broom - red and gold circling around like a candy cane.

His first year on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, she and the Marauders had sat around as James decorated his broom with the team's colours. James was very proud, that was until Peter wanted to look at it too soon and got his fingerprint on it. That was the last time he let someone else touch his broom.

Selene stood on the field and watched the boy in awe. He threw the Quaffle high up in the air and towards the other side of the field. In a flash, he was diving to the other side to catch up to it. In an effortless turn, James caught the Quaffle he threw himself. His hair was wind-ruffled and Selene was pleasantly surprised that he could see at all.

She supposed James could see perfectly well as within an instance, he was flying over to where she was on the field. He turned his broom to help come to a stop a meter or so away from where she stood.

"Selene?" James' voice was soft, barely carrying over to her. "What are you doing here?"

"I feel like we should talk," Selene said calmly.

James' words came out rushed and frantic. "Yeah, sure. Let me just put these away." As soon as he was on the first syllable of away he was flying away. He whizzed by her in the direction of the storage room at the entrance that stretches underneath the Quidditch Pitch's wall.

Selene walked after him, seeing no point in rushing. It was not like she was in a hurry to talk to him. She owed it to her friends who went out of their way to plan an elaborate scheme to talk to him, and maybe to herself a little. She took out her frustrations about him to everyone but him, really - Ryan, Lily, random boys in every house. The boys on that list the sexual frustration variety, but the fact still remained.

She had just made it over to where the door was when the boy at the center of her frustration left the room. His hand was clamped over something in his pocket and he looked a tiny bit guilty.

Selene gave him a questioning look before shrugging it off. It was not her business. "Shall we sit?"

James nodded and walked about a meter into the field before plunking down. Selene looked across the field to the Gryffindor watch tower, longing for the support that the benches give, as she walked over to where James sat.

Selene, must more carefully than James, took a seat. The grass was well groomed, and softer than Selene expected.

The surprise must have shown on her face because James chimed up. "They keep the grass extra soft so if a Bludger knocks you off a broom, you don't die on impact."

Selene nodded understandingly. How someone would want to play a sport that amounted to so many broken bones was beyond her comprehension.

"So..." James cleared his throat and focused on fiddling with the thing in his pocket, refusing to look at her. "I woke up alone and you rejected me in the Great Hall. If I didn't know better, I would think you gave up on me." A nervous chuckle erupted in his throat before disappearing as quickly as it came.

And you've done a lot worse than I. Selene's hand instinctively reached towards her own pocket and the drawing that lay within. But... Some people take longer to fall in love.

"Did you know that Sirius, Remus, and Lily teamed up to plan our detention just so we could talk?" Selene started off. It seemed safe, it was one of the two reasons she was here. She owed it to their well-intentioned friends.

"Yeah... Sirius spilled to me after I told him that I realized that I did..." James paused and took his hand out of his pocket with it clutched. "Have feelings for you. He has been unusually quiet recently. Did you know he also almost got into a fight with a Hufflepuff beater after our last game? The beater smacked me with a bludger after the game ended. I think you'd recognize him... Raymond Charlton?"

The name clicked in Selene's head. For a brief moment, she was taken back to a disappointing night she had with the red-headed Hufflepuff. It lasted ten minutes, tops - for foreplay and the main event together. "Oh..."

You're starting to act like a whore, Selene.

"Selene?" James spoke, cutting off his previous self's echoes before they could continue. "It doesn't matter. We already know our friends are ridiculous. Why else would they put up with me when I've been pursuing the wrong girl throughout my entire time at Hogwarts?"

Selene couldn't help it, she looked over at him. His eyes were looking at her and for the first time in a long while, she felt contentment in those eyes instead of variant levels of distaste.

"I know it may take a while for you to forgive me. I know I've been a downright dick to you. I know I should have apologized when you apologized in the hall. I know I should have reacted better to you sleeping around, I know you were hurting but I didn't know how to deal with it." James tilted his head towards the ground in shame. "What do you do when your best friend is lashing out because of something you did to them?"

Selene saw a teardrop run down his face and she realized now why he was looking down. He was crying.

"I am ashamed, so ashamed. I hurt you and I didn't even have the balls to stick around and help you. You were my best friend. And I kissed you, I slept with you, and I rejected you. I treated you like you were disposable when you're not. You're not."

Selene swallowed a lump in her throat that was forming. She, too, did not know what to do when he is hurting. Her hand slid into her pocket and pulled out the paper of the doodle she had found the night before. "I think this is yours."

James' red eyes went to her outstretched hand. With trembling fingers, he reached over and with a brush of his fingertips against the palm of her hand, he picked it up. He brought it back over to in front of his chest and unfolded it with careful fingers. He shook his head, "Ah. This one."

"Oh?" Selene leaned forward. "Is there more?"

"It's funny... I was practicing for this one, actually." James put the hand that reached for the paper into a different pocket and pulled out a neatly folded paper airplane. He threw it to her with his nondominant hand.

Selene, miraculously, caught it. She kept her gaze on him as she unwrapped it, uncertain of what she would find when she looked back down at it. There were not enough folds for her to unfold to fill the gap she needed before she looked at whatever James had brewed up with his quill and ink.

Her eyes dropped to view the piece of work. There was a similar doodle to what she had saw earlier. The lines were refined, the reference lines erased and the lines that were kept drawn over with confidence. This time, there was a cat sitting beside the stag. The stag had its chest puffed out in a defense stance as the cat curled its tail proudly into the air.

James explained sheepishly, "I thought it would be nice for your patronus to join mine. This was supposed to be the part where I say, if our patronuses can have a date, why can't we?"

Selene stifled out a laugh. "Seriously?"

"Jamesly," James joked. "So... is a laugh a yes?"

Selene did not hear James' old insults in her head. She did not feel the pain she felt after the rejection or the self-hatred she felt after every night she had with another. But she knew that it was bubbling under the surface. A few days ago, she went to him wanting to rekindle their friendship, putting it higher than her feelings. Now, she a part of her wants to risk it all and agree to a relationship before she had recovered from the pain dealt.

"No," Selene said, standing up. "I would love to hang out with you again, with other people, as friends."

The look on James' face said that he understood. She needed time.