Like Fire and Powder

04. Two Shots of Vodka

And you certainly didn't need Connor making assumptions about your personality based off said books.

"Other books?" Emma put down Twilight. You could tell that she was a little put off by your sudden change in demeanor, and you felt bad. "Um . . . I mean, I have Wuthering Heights. It's dark and urgent--" she wiggled her eyebrows "--even if the writing is a bit stuffy."

You screamed internally. "Oh, another romance novel?"

Emma's smile froze, and you saw the immediate shame in her eyes.

"I love Wuthering Heights," you said quickly. You leaned forward to indicate your interest, and Emma clasped her hands, excitement returning to her eyes. "I, uh, had to read it in high school when we were studying Victorian literature. It's one hell of a romance story."

"The way Emily Brontë talks about souls is so deep," Emma said. "Sometimes I . . . I think about soulmates and stuff like that. Like, when will I meet my soulmate, y'know?"

You felt like the girl was oversharing, but you weren't about to discourage her.

What you liked less was the fact that she started to remind you of an old friend, from the shyness to the sudden eagerness. The innocence. You wiped a hand over your face and decided to indulge her.

"I, er, used to believe in soulmates. Twin flames," you said, sitting back in your chair. "But I . . . don't anymore." You knew Connor could hear your conversation, but you tried not to focus on that fact too much.

"Oh? Why?" Emma asked, her eyebrows knitting together. "Bad experience? Or did you meet someone at the wrong time?"

You refrained from rolling your eyes. Just barely. "I lost someone close to me. A friend."

"But . . . they weren't your soulmate?"

"Soulmates don't always have to be romantic . . . They were a close friend. And I loved them."

Emma's eyes widened. "Oh . . . I'm so sorry for your loss. I-- I'm sorry I asked."

You took a deep breath. "No. It's fine, really. Don't worry about it."

"(Y/n)!"

You looked up to see Fowler waving at you from his office.

"Send the girl in," he called out, closing his door.

"That's me, I guess," Emma said, standing up. She gathered her books, biting her lip. "And I'm, uh, really sorry for asking. I hope I didn't bring up any bad memories."

"No, you're good. Really, it's fine," you said softly, standing up as she walked away. You watched her walk into Fowler's office, and then you lowered your gaze, focusing on the floor. She'd reminded you so much of Ryan that you almost hadn't noticed. You wouldn't have noticed had she not brought up soulmates -- a stupid thing you and Ryan had always talked about.

You sat down slowly and then opened your desk drawer, slipping out an old photo of them. It was an electronic photo, so it would never look aged. You stared at their smile, at the way they'd tried to cover their face from the camera.

You exhaled and put the photo away, closing the drawer slowly. When it clicked shut, you noticed your hands were shaking.

Blinking slowly, you tried to rouse yourself from your thoughts. There was a time and place to feel bad about yourself, and it wasn't at work. You shook your head and reached for your phone, but you saw Connor staring at you, holding a few papers in his hands.

You would've said something to fill the silence, but you wanted to see if he'd say anything first. So you grabbed your phone and looked through your notifications. You were looking for a distraction, and when you saw that Nines had texted you, you opened his message.