Like Fire and Powder

03. The Subjective Race

Connor was quiet for a few seconds, so you turned on your speakerphone and put your phone by your ear, on your pillow. You continued to pet Princess, thinking.

"We don't have to talk," you said. "I just . . . I don't know."

And the truth was that you didn't know.

You wracked your brain for something to say, but you instead started to overanalyze everything that had ever happened between the two of you. Your relationship with Connor up until that point was strictly platonic and work-related, and you really only liked him because he was a good person with good, strong morals.

And yet a day ago, you'd believed you had a crush on him because, well, he was attractive. But what was a crush to a twenty-eight-year-old woman? Women your age didn't have "crushes."

Can you make up your mind already? You thought to yourself.

So why did you feel "left behind?" Why did his flirting update bother you so much? Why had he been acting so weird?

You sighed heavily, and Connor chuckled. It startled you, and you remembered you'd put the phone right by your ear.

"What's so funny?" You asked.

"I can picture your face, detective," Connor said. "The night we lost Coltin Appel. You probably have that look in your eyes. What're you thinking about?"

"Wasn't this conversation supposed to be about you?" You pressed, feeling the need to turn the conversation around. You liked to talk about yourself sometimes, but your racing thoughts and inner conflicts when it came to Connor weren't meant to be shared with Connor.

"Well . . ." Connor trailed off. "I wanted to explain something. But I don't want this to ruin our relationship. I think we have a strong friendship."

The thought of Connor saying something that could ruin your friendship made you smile. The chances of that happening were slim to none. "Continue?"

"You know I downloaded a flirting update from Social," Connor started slowly, letting you follow along with him. "Well, I downloaded that update because you got me thinking about a lot of things."

"Oh?"

"When you mentioned I should have my own place," Connor said. "It made me think about my life and what I wanted to do. I want . . . to live as human a life as possible, and that means catching up with other androids, whether it's through Social updates or observation alone. I . . . downloaded the flirting update because it'd been on my 'bucket list' for a while."

"I'm sorry I prompted a midlife crisis." You laughed, your eyes still closed.

"Less midlife, more crisis," Connor said, and your laugh only got louder. You figured it was mostly from exhaustion, but it also felt good to talk to Connor like this again.

"Okay, well, go on," you said after you'd calmed down.

Connor paused, and you opened your eyes, making sure the call was still going. It was -- he just apparently needed some time to think, which was ironic because androids' minds worked faster than any human's.

"I downloaded the flirting update on an impulse, to convince myself I was doing something to better my experiences as an android," Connor said. He hummed, and it turned into a soft, unsure groan. "But the flirting update wasn't like other Social updates. It seemed to affect the way I-- It seemed to affect my old files. My old memories."

Your knitted your brows. "So . . . it tried to apply itself to your past relationships? That's odd. Was that why you were organizing files in your system this afternoon? I mean, folders?"