Confessions of a Teenage Alcoholic

Chapter 43

"I need to talk to you." I say and then walk away from him.

"Dude she's mad, mad." I hear Jayden say but I carry on walking away from them. I know Jackson is following.

I could feel his presence.

That's how much I truly believed we were connected.

A week?

Really?

"Ivy..." He says and I carry on walking away from him, out of Jayden's gate and I go and sit myself in Jayden's front steps.

Jackson doesn't sit down next to me, he just stands in front of me and I just look at him.

"You are upset."

"Yeah." I whisper and he crouches down in front of me.

"What's happened? What did I do?" His eyes are bearing into mine and I try to actually see him.

I know we were broken up, god we weren't even together in the first place, I know I was six hours away and I know I said I wasn't coming back.

But I'm hurt.

"You slept with Hannah a week after I left. A week."

Jackson falls to his bum a little clumsily and scoots himself closer to me, so he's sat in front of me.

"Oh." He says.

"Oh?"

"I know I did."

"Fuck Jackson."

"I know, I'm sorry." He whispers and his hands come to either side of my face.

"I just, I thought I meant a lot to you."

"Ivy you mean the world to me." He whispers and I shake my head.

"I know that you did it because you were hurt, because you were angry with me and you were probably bloody horny. But a week after I left?"

"It was just a coping mechanism. I swear. I was hurt."

"Why didn't you ever tell me it was so soon after?" I ask and he just frowns.

"Because I- I knew it would hurt you. And like, it was bad, it felt like I was cheating on you Ivy. I was ashamed."

"Felt like cheating? You said you were in love with me, you don't cheat on people you love." I whisper and he leans up and places his forehead against mine.

I don't understand how I wasn't crying.

A week isn't a very long time right?

"I was in love with you Ivy. I, I was hurt. I am sorry. I was young and immature and stupid and I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

The only word that stuck out to me is the word 'was'. As in not anymore.

"I just. I don't blame you. I'm not even angry with you. I just, I'm a little hurt."

"I get it."

"I need a minute and then I'll come back in to the party." I say and he frowns shaking his head at me.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"It took me a long time to get over you Jackson." I say and he frowns.

"I wasn't over you when I slept with her."

"She deserved better than that though." I say and he groans.

"I know Ives, I have literally apologised for the state I was when I knew her. Will you forgive me?"