Insomnia // Billie Eilish

Chapter 55

I scroll through Instagram, double-tapping all of the pictures as I scroll. I'm trying to pass time as I wait for Billie to get home. Suddenly, I come across a picture of Billie kissing somebody. Somebody that definitely isn't me. My heartbeat speeds up. Olivia posted it twenty minutes ago. What the fuck is this? I screenshot it and send it to Claudia, hoping she has answers that will lead me to a conclusion other than Billie is cheating on me.

My phone starts ringing and Claudia's name pops up on the screen. I quickly answer. "What the fuck. Who is that?"

"I—I don't know. I was just scrolling through Instagram and I found it." I think for a minute. "Is she cheating on me?"

"Holy fuck. I don't know, but it's getting around fast."

I stay quiet as I try to process the information.

"Mackenzie," she calls, tentatively. "Are you okay?" I feel a familiar lump in my throat and tears prick at my eyes.

I hear a knock at the door and then Billie's voice through the phone. "Hey, I'll call you back in a bit." She hangs up.

"Fucking great." I put my head in my hands, trying to think of any possible way that it isn't what it looks like. I don't want to believe that Billie would cheat on me. I grunt. "Fuck it!" I grab my phone and start walking.

-

I walk up the driveway, making my way to the front door of Claudia and Finneas' house. I suddenly stop when I notice Billie in her car with her forehead against the steering wheel. I open the door and she jumps, looking up at me with scared eyes. "Mackenzie."

"Billie, what the actual fuck?"

"Mackenzie—" Her eyes search mine frantically.

"How could you do this," I shout. I have no idea what I'm doing or what I'm feeling. I'm just letting my impulsivity control my actions. "After everything? I trusted you, Billie! What—did you just think it'd be funny to mess with me and make me think that you genuinely love me? Or am I just not enough for you?"

"You don't understand," she says, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"You know what?" My voice cracks. "You're right. I don't understand. Please, Billie, explain."

"It's really not what it looks like," she says.

"Oh?" I laugh, trying to make my anger more evident than my despair. "Really?" I furrow my eyebrows and cross my arms. After a minute, I speak again. "Who is this," I ask angrily, holding up my phone to show her the picture.

"Michael," she answers quietly. "But it's not—"

"Michael, as in your ex?"

She nods and I laugh again.

"You know what, Billie? This is my bad. It's my fault. I should have never got involved with you. Finneas warned me but I was too ignorant to listen." Her eyes flash with hurt and I shake my head. I just want to hug her and be in her arms again, but this is not okay. I'm not going to deal with this. "Honestly, fuck you!"

Billie gets out of the car, now looking rather angry. I step back a little and she steps towards me. "You are such a bitch, Mackenzie," she yells, only making me angrier.

"Oh, I'm the bitch?"

"Yes! You are! You're a bitch!"

"Fuck you, Billie, fuck Michael, and—and fuck your stupid rings too!" I yank the two rings with her first name and one of her middle names off, and throw it at her.

She clenches her jaw and lightly hits her fist on my shoulder before pushing me a little. "God! You're so stupid, Cameron! You don't understand and you won't let me explain, so just get away from me! Go home!"

I stand there for a second and she yells again, much louder this time. "Go!" I jump a little at the sudden burst of noise and tears fill my eyes. I quickly blink them away.

Finneas grabs her arm and pulls her away from me. "Stop, Billie. Let her cool off before you try to explain anything to her. You need to calm down too. You're gonna fuck a really great thing up for yourself."

"I'll go! You can go fuck Michael! Why don't you just go stay at his house? I'm sure that's where you'll be since I doubt you're coming home!"

"Maybe I will!"

I huff and start walking back to my car. Claudia pulls me into a hug and I start crying, the reality of what's happening finally hitting me. "It's gonna be okay. Just go home and get some rest and then talk to Billie tomorrow."

"There's nothing to talk about," I mumble. "I shouldn't have trusted her."

"Well, you can trust me." She looks at me seriously. "Talk to her tomorrow."

"She's not going to talk to me, Claudia, but whatever. I'll try if it'll make you leave me alone."