her voice in the night ; moonsun (√)

1

Walking along the Han river, Byulyi finally exhaled. She'd been forgetting to breathe recently, and not taking in oxygen was starting to become habitual. She lifted her head, which was facing her feet, to see groups of friends and families laying on the grassy shore with their picnics. Byulyi was happy for them, but she couldn't help but feel an inner pang of envy, sadness, and regret. Daring not to let any pent up emotions spill from her eyes, she forced herself to
hold her head high with her silver locks dangling downward. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her black jacket and kept on.

The sky was a soft blue with perfectly shaped cumulus clouds. It wasn't too windy and it wasn't hot, the ideal weather for such a beautiful day. But to Byulyi, today was another day she was forcing herself to get through. Waking up was a chore to her, and despite all the protests she'd say inside her head, she'd make herself get up and walk along the Han river. It was masochistic with how she tortured herself by sadly smiling at the others who were enjoying their time there.

Byulyi didn't always sigh so loudly. It was only three years ago when she had met her end in pursuing her dream. Since she was young she'd hoped of growing up to become a famous idol who'd get married and live a prosperous life. She wanted others to hear her sing and she wanted to have fun. When she turned 15, she was scouted on the streets and from then began training under a company. She was always eager to please and did her best. Her boss wasn't terrible. Although meeting certain quotas and having to maintain herself was difficult, he always encouraged her which made her feel like she'd for sure debut one day.

That was all destroyed when she turned 17. Her company was sold and they earned a new CEO. Byulyi was set back to the beginning and although two years of training didn't seem like much, because she was one of the better trainees, she felt destroyed. The young girl tried not to have it get to her, but once they told her she wouldn't have a shot at debuting as a singer, she didn't know anymore. From then, Byulyi was trained to rap and if she tried singing in any of their check ups, she wouldn't debut. So that's what she did, she stopped singing and only rapped. The only time she'd sing was when there were no people. She continued to train as a rapper and eventually the years passed.

From 15 to 22, Byulyi still didn't debut. She was losing hope and motivation to continue. And then, when they had a mental health checkup, Byulyi found she had depression and a slight eating disorder. She stopped trying because she felt everything was getting too difficult and she couldn't satisfy their needs. It was an endless cycle of failure for her. She never had the courage to immediately end herself, and so she gave up on being a trainee and quit. Three years later, she's still barely getting by with her part time jobs.

Byulyi didn't want to bother remaining in the midst of so many people, so she hurried off to a more desolate area. It was a small hill that was a little separated from the fuss but not so far off to where she couldn't get lost in the scenery. Byulyi closed her eyes and felt tears drip as she listened to the sounds of nature.

"I should've just killed myself when I had the chance back then, it'd be easier." She choked on her words. "Now I'm talking to myself for whatever reason. I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore, I wasted it." She cried even more and struggled to wipe her tears.

Feeling worthless, she clasped her hands together and decided to get it out in the way they said she couldn't. She sang.

"But when it gets too painful to tolerate,
what should I do then?
Thoughts about you may make me sting, but from now on
I will try my best to stay strong, all because it is you"
(Song: Sting by Mamamoo)

"Hey, your voice is really beautiful." A girl spoke suddenly, causing Byulyi's eyes to force open.

Byulyi faced the brunette with wide eyes, clearly shocked to see another human in front of her. Suddenly realizing that she'd heard her sing, she frantically slapped a hand over her mouth.

The stranger thought that she'd caused Byulyi to cry. There were still streaks of moisture that trailed down her cheeks and her eyes were still glassy. Feeling guilty, she began to apologize profusely.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry or scare you! It's just that I thought your voice was so pretty."

Byulyi shook her head, "You didn't make me cry. And, um, thank you even though I'm not much of a singer." Not much of a singer anymore. In fact I hate my voice, but I'd never say that out loud. The silver-haired woman thought.

"Oh, that's a relief. Also you, not a singer? That's hard to believe. But whatever, I liked hearing you singing, so now let's be friends." She smiled again and finally took a seat next to Byulyi.

"I've never had someone approach me like this," Byulyi said breathlessly as she was trying to process the situation.

"Cool, I like being the first in things! By the way, my name is Yongsun. Kim Yongsun." She extended her hand out to the latter, awaiting the contact.

Byulyi stared back and forth between Yongsun's face and hand and finally gave in. She shook the brunette's hand and replied, "Moon Byulyi."

"Moon Byulyi? As in like, moon and star?" Yongsun asked excitedly in which the silver-haired girl nodded in response.

"Byulyi! Your name is so strange!" She laughed which caused Byulyi to feel a bit insecure. She used to like her name because it got a lot of attention, and when she was younger she thought it'd make a great idol name. Now she hates it just for that reason, it brought back the memories of her trainee days.

Not seeing Byulyi's discomfort, Yongsun continued talking. "I didn't mean strange in a bad way. I've never heard a name like that before, it's really cool. If you put our names together you get moon and sun. Ain't that a coincidence, huh?"

As the two continued to talk, Byulyi found Yongsun to be very amusing and charming in her own way. She was an endless chatterbox that was bright. Despite Byulyi's short answers to Yongsun's constantly changing topics, Yongsun's energy was contagious and the conversation was engaging towards both of them that they hadn't realized how much time had passed.

"That's why I'm actually the best at Halloween costumes, my Sadness cosplay was immaculate-"

"Yongsun," Byulyi finally interrupted.

"Yes?"

"You're fun."

And with the perfect weather by the Han river, for the first time in three years, Byulyi genuinely smiled.