Feelings

The Difference |1|

We lived in the projects yes, but did I ever really cared? No. As long as I have a roof over my head and bills are getting paid, I didn't care where I lived.

A house was least of my worries right now cause I needed to get my money right. Shia didn't allow me to get a job and I didn't like that but every time I would try to get one he would find out and beat me for it so I stopped trying.

I want to leave him, I really do.. but then I have no where to go. My parents passed away in a car crash when I was a baby, my grandparents are dead, my aunt is in jail and my uncle is a drunk. So I literally have nobody but Shia.

I shook away the thought and drew the dresser and TV that was in our room.

25 minutes later

The door opened to Shia adjusting his belt and smelling like a perfume that obviously I didn't own.

"What you doing? Why you not dressed?" He questioned.

"It's 10:25 in the morning, I wouldn't think we would be leaving right now" I answered.

"Well come on get dressed, I'm gone take a shower in the bathroom downstairs" he said grabbing his towel and a new outfit.

I nodded my head and got up putting down my sketch book and going into my dresser.

After my shower, I threw on some black ripped jeans and a off the shoulder red shirt as for my hair I took out the plats and I cornrowed it quick and then I put on a wig cap to get ready to put this lace on then Shia came in the room all dressed in a different outfit.

"You look good babeh" he said coming up and kissing my cheek.

"Thank you, where we going though?" I asked spraying on the glue.

"The mall and then some where to eat" he told me as he looked at me through the bathroom mirror.

"Oh okay, can you get the flat iron from out that cabinet" I asked him putting on the wig.

He bent down and opened the cabinet and got the flat iron and put it on the counter.

When he stood back up he wrapped his arms around me and kissed the side of my neck and I smiled. Times like this I really wish it could stay like it, when he wasn't beating and cheating on me, our relationship was nice and I enjoyed it.

"When you gone have my kids mani?" He asked smiling.

I rolled my eyes and plugged in the flat iron. He always talked about having kids and I didn't like the thought of it right now. I wanted kids at 28 or 30 not right now cause I still had a life I needed to tend to.

"I don't know Shia, whenever I start up my tattoo business" I told him as I straightened out the lace and ran my fingers through it.

"You and this tattoo shit, stop dreamin about it cause it ain't gone happen as long as you with me and you gone be with me forever so cut that shit"he fussed letting go of me.

I slightly shook my head and he left the bathroom as I finished my hair.

15 minutes later

I grabbed my purse and phone and went downstairs where Shia was standing at the door ready to go.

"You ready?" He asked.

I nodded my head and we left out to his car and went in the passenger seat and put on the seat belt.

I watched him get in the car and in my peripheral view I saw something purple in his back seat. I looked and it was another woman's panties, are you kidding me?

I reached back and grabbed them with my pointer finger and thumb and he shut his door.

"Shia what the fuck" I said showing him the panties.

"What? Those are probably yours" he shrugged.

"Shia we never have sex in the car for one and I don't own a single pair of purple panties" I said to him.

"Then what you trynna say?" He said raising his eyebrow.

"That you had sex with another bitch in this car, you say you want fucking kids but stay doing shit like this" I complained pointing at the underwear.

"Yo, who the fuck you talking to like that?" He said then punched me in the leg with a lot of force.

I held onto my thigh in pain and tears started to form.

"And give me these shits" he said snatching the underwear out of my hands then throwing them out the window.

"You wanna get mad if I'm sleeping with other bitches then have sex with me, we haven't had sex in 6 months come on now" he argued then reversed the car and pulled off.

We hadn't had sex because it stopped feeling good after he started cheating and shit so I was never in the mood.

At The Mall

"Babe what about this?" I asked him holding up a royal blue dress.

"You out yo mind? That shit to damn short" he said.

"But I like it" I said looking back at it.

"And I don't so put it back cause I ain't for sure buying that for you" he replied.

I rolled my eyes and sighed putting it back. "You better stop rolling yo damn eyes at me or ima fuck you up" he said into my ear.

I pushed past him and continued to shop as he followed behind me. We were at the mall for another hour and then we left and went to cook out to get something to eat.

While we were in the car driving back home, I stared out the window watching everything go past.

"Ima be out again tonight" he told me.

I looked at him and scrunched my face. "Doing what? Fucking strippers?" I scoffed.

"What I say about talking to me any kind of way huh? Shut the fuck up with all that damn" he cussed.

"I'm just saying, I'm always at home doing everything for you and never be out with no men but you get to be out all night with hoes" I argued.

He stayed quiet and clenched his jaws and sped up driving faster off home.

At Home

I closed the door behind me and turned around and immediately got stunned in the face and it made me fall on the ground.

"You wanna keep saying dumb shit huh! You never wanna shut up when somebody talking to you!" He yelled then slapped me in my head.

"Yo ass not meeting no other niggas or going out Ight?! What I do is none of your business and you gone stay here and be a good girlfriend!" He yelled.

He kicked the side of my stomach and I held it aching in pain. "Get yo ass up, you gone give me what I want so I can deal with your fucking attitude" he said snatching me up by my arm and dragging me upstairs.

We went in the room and he pushed me on the bed and slammed the door behind him.

He got on top of me and started tripping my clothes off and I wasn't enjoying this one bit.

2 hours later

"Keep this up and I won't have to sleep with other woman" he said buttoning up his pants again.

I stayed in silence and stared a the ceiling and I wanted to cry but I held back my tears.

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