Found- Crygi

Chapter 4

Crystal POV-
    All I wanted was to do well on Snatch game. But, as it seems, my jokes didn't land and nobody knew what I was trying to do. I know it's silly, to get so worked up over something like that. I made it through and didn't have to lip sync. But the thought that I will at some point scares me so much. I was on an up streak, doing well, thinking I could never stumble. And now I have. What if I can't stop stumbling?
    My brain feels disconnected from my body, and dread creeps in like a little parasite. This can't be happening right now. There are cameras on me, there are other queens having a happy conversation. I'm supposed to be happy too. I glance around, trying to figure out if it would be socially acceptable for me to move anywhere other than this couch, but I don't see anywhere. And that's when I realize Gigi isn't here either. Where are they?
    Trying to hold in panic I tap Jackie on the shoulder. "Have you seen Gigi?" I ask, hoping he can't hear the crack in my voice.
    "I don't know where they went, I think they're being interviewed or something. Do you need anything?" My mouth won't form words so I just shrug. "Okay, you're freaking out aren't you." I nod as tears begin to flow down my cheeks. "Come on lets leave. they're almost done filming anyway." Jackie takes my hand and pulls me from the couch, covering me from the cameras. He looks at the directors. "Can I take Crystal out of here for a minute?"
    A woman from the crew nods, and I can see all the others trying to get a look at what's going on. I don't want them to see me crying, I don't want to be seen as the weak link. Jackie turns to Heidi. "When Gigi comes back, tell her we're in the bathroom."
    "Will do." Heidi replies.
    Jackie leads me quickly out of the room and into the bathroom that sits in the corner between the stage and the lounge. "Are you okay?" He asks me. "What happened?"
    "Nothing." I reply. "Sorry I'm just anxious because of the challenge and stuff. I don't know. Thanks for pulling me out. I hope they don't have any of it on camera."
    "I don't think they do." He tells me. "Don't worry about it, it will be fine."
    "I can't feel my fingers." I mutter. My heart feels as if it will burst out of my chest.
    "Crystal it's going to be okay. Breathe. Can I do anything for you?"
    I sniff. "No. I'm fine, just a panic attack."
    He leans against the door. "I'm going to get you a water bottle. Be right back." He leaves for a moment and when returns knocks on the door. "I found Gigi too." He says, handing me the bottle.
    I want Gigi here, and I want them to leave at the same time. I hate it when people see me cry, and I don't want Gigi to think less of me.
    "Crystal, I'm sorry love, I was being interviewed." They say, opening their arms, offering a hug.
    I let myself fall into their chest and they hold me their. Jackie nods out the door, and smiles at Gigi before going.
    "I'm okay." I manage, and they hug me a little tighter.    
     "Do you want to talk about it?" Gigi asks, wiping tears from my face. "This isn't like you."
    Now, instead of just my fingers being numb I can't feel my arms either. "It's just." Is all I can get out before bursting into more sobs.
    Gigi rubs my back. "It's alright. We can talk later, try to breathe." They murmur. "I know what it's like, try not to disassociate."
     After a few minutes of standing there my breathing is more evened out and I feel more normal again. There's a knock at the bathroom door. "Everything alright in there?" Comes Ru's voice.
     "Yeah. I'm sorry, we're just leaving." Gigi replies.
     They open the door and I wipe my eyes one more time even though I know it's apparent I've been sobbing. "You okay El Debarge?" Ru asks.
     I do that weird half laugh half cry thing and Gigi grabs me before I lose my balance again. "He's okay." They say. "Sorry we're here so late."
     "It's okay." He replies. "Martin is gone so I offered to check that everyone was out of the building." Seeing that he's not helping he turns to go and Gigi leads me to the back door.

Gigi POV-
     I've never seen Crystal like this and to be completely honest it's a little bit startling. He's so panicky words won't even work and he just lets me lead him out the door. Everything about him is tense. "Hon you have to relax your muscles so you can breathe." I tell him.
     It must be the fresh outside air because he seems to be calming down much faster. "I didn't want Ru to see that." He says, and I can't tell if he's laughing or crying.
     "I'm sure he doesn't care. Do you need anything?"
     Crystal steps to me and wraps his arms around my neck. He's shorter than me so when I hug him his feet lift off the ground. "Thank you Gigi." He says, and this time the words aren't stuck behind tears.
     "Any time. Back to the hotel?"
      He nods and we start walking. The streets are a bit busier than usual. I'd assume it's because a production across the street just got done for the day too.
     By the time we get back to the hotel, the rest of the queens are already back in their rooms so we don't have to worry about any parties or anything. "Want to come back to my place?" I offer. "If you want to talk or anything."
     He thinks about it for a moment, and at first I think he might cry again. "Uh. If you don't mind?"
     "Of course I don't mind." I reply. "I did offer."
     Crystal smiles and pushes his hair behind his ears. The door opens with a click.
      We both walk in and sit on the bed. I notice he sits about as far away from me as he can without being off the bed. "What's up?" I ask.
     "I just. My emotions got the best of me."
     "How come?"
      He pauses, weighing his words carefully. "I guess just because I didn't do well in the Snatch Game. I know it's not going to be a big problem in the long run. It's just. It just sucks you know?"
     "Yeah. I know. But one challenge isn't the end of the world. You hold yourself to the highest standard I've ever seen. You wouldn't expect anyone else to do the best in every challenge. You can't expect it of yourself."
     When I look up Crystal is looking me in the eyes and he quickly moves his gaze. "Yeah."
     "I hate to see you being so hard on yourself."
      "Really?" He murmurs.
     "Yes." I reply. "Your amazing, one challenge where a few jokes didn't land doesn't matter. And if I'm going to be honest if anyone knew who Poppy was I think they would've really enjoyed it."
      "Thanks Gigi." He says. "Really though."
      "I'm open to talk any time you want to." I tell him. "You're sure you're okay?"
     "Yeah I'm sure." Crystal says, a shy smile on his lips. He moves to my side of the bed and I lay my head on his shoulder. Before I know it my hand is in his.
     I can feel the work of the day taking me over, my eyelids becoming heavy. And Crystal is so warm. "I should go." He whispers. "It's getting late. I'll see you tomorrow."
     "Bye." I manage before he closes the door leaving me alone in the hotel room.