Beautiful Time ~ NCT Dream (0T7) {Nomin, Markhyuck, Chensung}

Chapter 50: Mixed feelings

Well, let's just be honest:

I am in love with my best friend.

And not just any best friend. No, my best friend has to be Mark Lee.

Mark Lee. A beautiful name, right?

But the meaning behind this name is far from beautiful.

No, Mark is not a bad person. Not at all.
More like the complete opposite.
What is not really helping in my situation.

Mark is a great person.

Kind, helpful, honest.

Not really funny but that is not a problem, since I make up for it.

He is also handsome. And nice. He always listens, when I am sad or just need someone to rant.

He lets me hug him, although he hates affection, just because I like affection.

Sometimes he says that he likes affection. But I don't know if he really means it. I know I said he is honest but still.
Affection was always such a big thing, he was against it, so what could have changed?

Well, back to my problem.

Mark is, like I explained, a great person, really, but also really far from a gay person.

And this is where my problem begins.

Since I am a guy. And I am in love with another guy.

I've seen with my own eyes that it is possible for two boys to love each other. And to be together.
In other countries it is even accepted.

But even if Mark is not homophobic, how he claims, he is still definetely not gay.

So what should I do?

I can't do much.

I have to keep my feelings for myself and just hope they will be gone some day. Hopefully.

And I think, I will write in here more often.

It was good to do it. It really helps me. At least a little bit.

And if I write about my daily encounters with Mark, I think, no hope, it will help me to process and handle my feelings for him. And help me to forget said feelings.

Let's hope for the best.
Hwaiting!

God, Mark Lee, what have you done to me?

And like this Haechan's first diary entry ended.

In the next few weeks, he continued to write in it.

It really helped him a lot to control his feelings better.
Because when he wrote them down, he could understand them better.

He was really thankful for the advice from his friend.

But he never would have expected someone to find it. Especially not this person.

*Flashback end*

Mark only read the first diary entry.

But even only the first was a bad thing.

He would have never imagined to read, what he did.

To read his name. In this context.

And he knew, in the end, he would break the younger's heart.

Mark wasn't in love with his best friend. He joust couldn't.

He didn't have feelings for him like that.

Sure, the younger made him happy. But not in that way. Mark was sure about that.

But he also couldn't reject the younger.

Because first, the younger didn't confess to him. Well, at least not verbally.
And second, if he did, the younger would know that he read his diary and then Mark would be a dead man. No matter, how much the younger liked him.
And third, something in him couldn't bear to break the younger's heart.

But Mark didn't want to be together with the younger.
He couldn't even imagine it. Or he just didn't want to.

And when Mark read the entry, there were some words he really didn't like. One could almost say despised.

But surprisingly it weren't the words, which said that Haechan was in love with the younger.

No, the words, which a part of Mark really disliked, were the words, that said that the younger wants to forget his feelings for the older.

Mark didn't know, why he was so bothered by it.
Actually he should be happy that the younger tried to stop his feelings for him.
But he wasn't.

Mark closed the diary and put it back to where he found it.

And because of all his mixed emotions, he decided to just pretend that he never read these words.

And Mark was surprised. It seemed that he was a better actor than he thought.

It was 'Simon Says' Era and Mark pretended that everything was normal.

He talked to Haechan just like any other day.
Reacted to his affection just like any other day.
Listened to him just like any other day.

But when you looked closely, you could see that he didn't look at Haechan just like any other day.

His eyes hid something.

But Mark was always good at hiding.
Especially his true feelings. Maybe even to himself.

The 'Simon Says' Era passed.

It was a new concept.

And Haechan felt there was also something new between him and Mark.
He just couldn't tell what it was.

But he just tried to ignore it.

As long as Mark was not being distant or angry again, everything was fine.

Haechan loved Mark's outfit for the MV. It looked really good on him.
He would definetely write about it later in his (not so secret anymore) diary.

He also wrote about the glimmer, he thought he saw in Mark's eyes, when he first heard Haechan's vocals for this song.

Or how Mark gulped, when Haechan sang his part in the dorm, lost in his thought but still being able to look for Mark's reaction.

In his diary was also written down, how he pretended to be jealous, when Mark was affectionate with someone else. Something, Haechan had to fight for for years.
For his Hyungs it seemed like it was meant as a joke, to make the situation more funny.
But in reality, Haechan was really hurt about it.

His diary became his comfort.

And even if he couldn't have Mark.
He was happy to have something, that captured his feelings.

A/n: By the way, 'Simon Says' was my first NCT comeback.
What was yours?