Hey there, Spencer

Simula

"Ady...you can't do this to me." Halos mamanhid na ang buong katawan ko.

Kanina pa ako nakaluhod sa harap ng isang lalaki...na hindi ko lubos akalain ay iiyakan ko ng ganito.

Sabi nila, uso naman daw talaga ang maging tanga pagdating sa pag-ibig. Uso pa ba iyong maging sobrang tanga? To the highest level na naman kasi ang akin.

Siguro nung mga araw na nagpaulan ang Diyos ng katangahan ay halos malunod na ako. Wow ha, hindi man lang ako sinave?

Malamig niya akong tiningnan. "Ady...please...you...can't just throw me away." My eyes are so tired from crying.

Fuck these tears! Kanina pa walang-awat sa pagtulo.

"Come on, Joy! You know that I'm a jerk! Why are you fucking crying?" He sounded so unbelievable by what his eyes were seeing.

A helpless girl who threw away her life just so she could have the man of her dreams. But...who is she joking around?

He knows that this man is still a boy. Yet she had her hopes too high that it suddenly become unreachable...it blinded her.

Isa lamang siya sa isang daan na collection nito ng mga babae. Wala namang special sa kanya.

Paulit-ulit akong umiling sa kanya. Alam ko...kahit pano ay iba ang naging pagtrato niya sa akin. Alam ko...kahit paano ay totoo ang mga ipinakita niya.

"Ady...you told me...I'm not like your girls..." My chest are too tight that it's making it hard for me to breathe.

Napapikit ako. Mas lalong lumakas ang ulan. Sa gitna ng galit na gabi, nandito ako sa harap niya...nakaluhod...sugatan... nagbabaka-sakali na baka maramdaman niya na nasasaktan niya na ako.

It looks like the skies are crying because they are crying for me. Thunders are wildly roaring because they want Ady to know how mad I am.

"For Pete's sake! That's my favorite line! I told that to almost all of my girls." He groaned in frustration.

Mukhang pagod na pagod na siya sa akin. Nakita ko ang malalim niyang paghinga.

Nandito ako sa labas ng tower ng kanyang condo. Hawak-hawak ni Ady ang isang itim na payong. Tama lamang upang hindi siya mabasa ng ulan.

Hindi man lang siya nag-abalang lumapit sa akin nang sa ganon ay hindi rin ako mabasa ng ulan. His five feet apart from me. Tila ba mapapaso siya kapag lumapit pa siya lalo.

"But...I love you...Ady...so much." Nanghihina kong tugon sa kanya. Baka sakaling gumana...baka marealize niya na mahal niya rin pala ako.

Malakas itong tumikhim. Mahapdi na ang mga tuhod ko dahil kanina pa ako nakaluhod sa harapan niya.

Ilang buwan din ba kami ni Ady katagal? Fuck, months! We lasted for a year and half.

Nakilala ko siya noong second year college ako. He was grade twelve that time. Nalaman ko kasi mula sa isa kong kaklase na may gwapong pinsan daw ang Gomez De Liano brothers. Fan na fan kasi iyon ni Jordi.

Wala naman talaga akong pakialam sa kanila kaso isang araw nakita ko sila sa isang kainan around UP. I didn't mean to be clumsy that time and let my food spilled on Ady's shirt.

He's very handsome. Maputi, kulot, matangkad, may dimple. Nag panic ako dahil marami nang nakatingin sa amin. Akala ko, magagalit siya sa akin but he didn't. He waved his hand at me...and smiled.

Ganito siguro ang nararamdaman ng mga kaklase ko. Akala ko ay nahulog na ang panty ko dahil sa ngiti niyang iyon. Buti na lang at kumakapit pa rin pala.

"You can call me if you want me to wash or...buy you another...uh...clothes." My body was shaking while handling to him my calling card.

He pursed his lips and accepted my calling card.

"Sure, miss..." He looked at my calling card before looking straight into my eyes. "Joy."

Yes, he called. Inihanda ko na rin ang ipon kong pera. Nag search pa ako tungkol sa marvel shirt na iyon. Ginto ang presyo. Ilang buwang bayad ko na rin iyon sa apartment na tinutuluyan ko.

But he didn't let me buy him a new shirt. He made me fell for him..so hard...until I was taken back to the reality.

Here I am...in the middle of a cold night...kneeling infront of him...begging for him to not to leave me.

"Do you really expect me to be head over heels on you, Joy?" Tila ba nandidiri siya sa kanyang naisip.

Mas lalo lamang bumigat ang aking dibdib matapos marinig ang kanyang sinabi.

Bakit hindi? Pwede naman diba? Pwede niya naman akong magustuhan kagaya ng pagkagusto ko sa kanya.

Pwede niya rin naman akong mahalin...kung gugustuhin niya.

"Just...leave, Joy." Hindi ko alam kung ano ang emosyong pinapakita ng mukha ko.

Pained? Defeated? I don't know...except for one thing...my world is crushing.

"No...please..." Pilit akong tumayo para abutin siya.

My knees were too weak. I am too weak. I lost a lot of things. I lost my dream for him.

I tried to reached for his hands but he avoided it. He hardly looked at me...not giving me any emotions but disgust.

"Can't believe you're this low." He scoffed.

Natigilan ako. Hindi rin ako makapaniwala na ganito pala ako kababa. Tila may bumara sa lalamunan ko...kay hirap lunukin.

"Can't believe I'll love you this hard." I bitterly said.

I lost a lot. Akala ko pagtapak ko sa UP ay magiging okay lahat. I passed nursing. I made sure I won't fail. Then, I met Ady on my second year. I gave it all. My time and attention that I failed one of my subjects.

Nakiusap sa dean. Naghabol. Nagmakaawa.

Hanggang sa nilagay nila ako sa broadcast communication. They don't usually do it but since my grades were good...that's the least they can do.

Hinabol ko lahat para hindi ako mahuli. I took up summer class just so I could still graduate on time.

The things I did for Ady. The things I lost for Ady.

"Get over it, Joy." He lazily said. As if he didn't know that I lost my dream path because I would usually help him with his schoolworks.

"I...don't know...how." I defeatedly said.

Ganito siguro siyang mang-iwan. Masyadong masakit.

"That's your problem." May bahid na ng inis ang kanyang boses.

I bit my lower lip. Dapat ay bumalik na ako sa katinuan. Kaya lang, masyadong masakit.

"Do you even think that a guy like me would take you seriously? Nagpapatawa ka ba? I'm only eighteen...you're twenty one! You should at least be thinking about your life...and career!" Tanging hikbi na lamang ang nagawa ko. "And yet...here you are...begging for my love?" He laughed so hard. Animo'y isa akong clown sa harapan niya.

"God! Girls and their drama!" He coldly looked at me. "Stop the chase, Joy. I'm done on you."

That's the last thing I heard before everything went black.

------------------