Eyes Wide Open [TWD]

°•ten•°

"Then what is it?"

"When we get done eating, you and I are going to get our stuff packed. And put it in that car I got."

"Why?" I ask, my heart speeding up, knowing what's coming.

I've avoided it as much as possible and now it's finally pinned me down.

"Because, tonight we're gonna leave."

"Because of Lori? I haven't talked to her in weeks I swear!" I lie easily, surprising myself.

"It's not just for one simple reason, Jade. Things have been happening and it's all building to the point of this something I have to do. For you."

"Dad-"

"Look I'm sorry, I get you like the farm but this needs to be done."

"But Glenn-"

"Glenn's not your father! I am!" He suddenly snaps.

I can feel the annoyance radiating off him and I wonder how long he's wanted to remind me of that fact.

"I wish he was.."

"What'd you just say?" His voice raising an octave and he turns to me.

My head hangs as I fumble with the can in my lap.

"The hell did you just say?" He pushes more.

"I said I wish he was," I state a little louder.

He runs his hand angrily over his mouth.

"What makes you wanna say something like that, huh?" He asks.

I can't help but relate to what he said about something building. Because what I've been thinking since I was six has built up to the point of this is something I have to say.

"He doesn't ignore me. He doesn't push me away so he can go 'pick berries' with Lori. And he actually gives a damn about how I feel!"

"Watch your mouth. Jade-"

"That's another thing! When we're alone you try and act like a dad but it doesn't work because you're too bad at it!"

I gulp as I realize what just exploded from me. Dad looks at the ground then runs his hand over his mouth again.

I want to say something, ease the feeling washing over me. For a moment, I thought the feeling was guilt. But, when Dad looks over to me, his eyes barreling down into mine, I quickly understand what it was.

I wasn't feeling guilty of what I said, it was terror.

"I'm bad at being a father? You're calling me a bad father?" He rhetorically asks, his voice rising with each word.

"I- I'm sorry," I immediately say, putting my head down to avoid his stare.

"You're sorry? You're sorry?!" He snaps and I instinctively flinch.

"I've been raising you on my own for seven years and you have the audacity to call me a bad father?" His voice raises more.

By now, I'm bent inward on myself. I couldn't help the tears building in my eyes and the ability to breathe becoming harder as I was panting for air.

"I work my ass off to provide for you and now I live every day to keep you safe. To keep you alive and I'm a bad father?" He yells, moving closer.

"I'm sorry!" I nearly screech, pulling one hand to my chest and the other to guard my ear closest to him.

Dad suddenly reaches over, grabbing my forearm that was on my ear, yanking it downwards in an attempt to get me to listen to whatever he was yelling now. I'm not sure where it came from, but a surge of confidence shuddered through me and I ripped my arm away from him.