Save Me From Myself

Chapter Ten - I Told You So

Thanksgiving was in a few days and the town was once again decorated. I'm not sure what kind of people even decorated for Thanksgiving but these were definitely them.

Nadine has been trying to talk to me. She'll come by every other day. My mom or Carmen politely tell her that I don't want to speak to her. I feel betrayed. I trusted her with a very deep part of myself. Now the entire school knows.

I can't hide from that. The looks and the whispering. People constantly walking on egg shells around me. Scared that saying the wrong thing, or making the wrong move would cause me to break.

Cole was suspended for a week. He was banned from attending any further school hosted events. But he came back to school a day or two ago. I could feel his eyes watching. Glaring. Hateful. That's the look I couldn't take the most.

It was Wednesday and I decided to stay home. I needed a break from people. Carmen would come and check on me every so often. Each time I was buried under my blankets in the dark. I literally have been in the same position for hours.

There's a knock on my door and I sigh. "Come in, Carmen."

The door opens and Carmen is not on the other side. At least, she's not alone. Nadine is with her. I give Carmen a look.

"No, you two need to talk."

She pushes Nadine in the door and closes it behind her. Nadine stands around awkwardly.

"I - uhm I wasn't actually going to come today. Carmen texted me."

I sit up slightly. "Just tell me what you want."

"I want to apologize. I know that what I did was wrong. But it came from the purest intentions. I can't take back what Cole did but I can try to makeup for it."

I get out of bed. I make my way over to the window and pull back the curtains. The room is flooded with light. I turn back to Nadine and in the light she looks awful. Her eyes are red and puffy. Her hair is messily thrown into a bun. She's wearing wrinkled, baggy clothing.

"I trusted you, Nadine. I trusted you with a secret that I barely like admitting to myself. You told your friends and now everybody knows. Probably the whole town by now. You'll never know how that feels. You'll never know what's it is like for everyone to look at you like-"

I'm cut off. Soft lips steal the rest of my sentence. My entire body tenses up. I stand frozen in place not knowing how to react. Should I kiss back? I don't even know how to kiss. I've never been kissed before. I pull back just slightly. 

"Valentina, will you be my girlfriend?"

I look up at crystal blue eyes. I watch all the emotions past through them. I watch as they study me, waiting for an answer. 

"Nadine, you deserve someone much better than me. I'm a broken mold. I'll constantly push you away and drag you back in. I cry a lot. Sometimes all I want to do is scream. My head is full of thoughts that should make you run for the hills. I'm barely holding myself together. I won't be able to support your needs. Knowing all of that, you still want to be with me?"

She stands up straight. I see the determination behind her eyes. "Absolutely."

Thursday morning, I'm getting dressed and ready for school. I search through my closet for something to wear and decided to put a little more effort in than usual. I put on a baby blue shirt that hugs me loosely. Black jeans and white slip on Vans. I pull my hair up into a neat bun. I even put on a light coat of lip gloss. I look in the mirror and only have a split second to decide if this doing too much and then the doorbell rings.