I have always been the weird kid since the day I was born. I was born into a family of four. Well, five now. We are a little delightful family which lives in Los Angles. I got my name "Ilene Eilish Pirate Baird O'Connell" from my family. I have two...
Time went by quickly. As everyone was expected. Nothing had happened in a month since I uploaded my song. The view counter didn't even move a lot. There are only around four hundred views. Compared to what Billie can do within a week. This is a total failure.
As I stated before, I get depressed easily. I locked myself in the room for hours. I Huddled myself in my sheet. I imagined the world is an ongoing swallow machine that looks like a whale. Taking bites and bites at the soil. Trying to engulf me into its endless stomach. I'm that tiny little sheep. Only knows to run away but don't know what I did is meaningless eventually. No matter what I do. I cannot escape the place I'm at. The machine sounds louder and closer every second. And I fell into the dark without consciousness.
I waked up with a long sighed. Tried to accept the truth. You are not in the same place as your siblings. I brushed my teeth and looked at the mirror. There were just mist and deep clouds. I couldn't even eat while sitting at my chair. I was sure that my family find me unusual. It is not hard to tell that I'm in my downtime.
"Hey, honey. You want to talk?" My mum asks me as she stands in front of me.
"Not really mum. I don't know how to say it." I am a bit pale and slightly restless.
"It's alright honey. We are always on your back. Don't put too much on your shoulder. You have to believe us and tell us what happens. If you just hide the truth from everybody. Things wouldn't solve by its own. Just seek help when you needed, ok?" She tells me what she thinks patiently.
"Mama..." Holding back my tears. Come on Ilene, you can do it.
"A-am I the du-dumbest kid in the world? I can't do anything without failing it. I don't have any talent. I am always the stupid one in this house. And I don't even have any friends!" My tears burst in.
"Honey, no. You will always my lovey baby. You are born a quick learner. You can play ukulele and guitar very well. And your voice is just incredible." She denied what I just said and comfort me with her warmest cuddle.
"Bu-But nobody loves my song. I feel so bad because I embarrassed my family." I can't stop sobbing.
"Be patient. My sweetie. Sometimes, not everything is going on our expectation. We just need to try it again and again to reach your success. Don't be crumbled by yourself. Let's see what we can do to improve that ok?" She suggests to me.
"I'm a-a... yeah, okay. " The sentence comes out as an inaudible whisper when she glanced at me with her overwhelming eyes.
"Feeling better honey?" She asks me while looking closely at my eye.
"I'm fine... May I go back to my room now ?" I answer her with a uncertain tone.
"Go ahead and make sure you'll find us if you need." She said.
I went back to my room. Closed the door and put on the headphone. I played back my own music 'Braver'. I couldn't even do what my song title literally says. Am I being too overdramatic? I should have calm myself down because being nervous and depressed didn't help. It made me feel worst and weak. "Empty your mind. Just feel your music and relax. " I told myself.
I got a lot better after calming myself down. And actually, my music isn't that bad. Although I had millions of ideas on how to improve the song immediately. I jotted down all the ideas in my little note. And I started to have new thoughts for my new song.
(A/N: Sorry, but I borrowed some music from the other artist. Let's assume this song was made by Ilene.)
I want my new melody to be intangible at the beginning. A pure piano intro would fit the needs. And the first verse may continue with the piano and mix with some atmospheric sound. At the pre-chorus, I would like to join in some electro snare and kick. Probably make it heavier to enhance the power. For the hook, let's add some loud clap and some more trucks of the electro-beats. I really like the shuttering effect to make sounds more discontinued and unnatural. The guitar would come in at the second verse and makes a slight difference from the first. And the song ends with where it starts. With a changing piano from strong volume to soft.
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(A/N: Anyone can guess which song it is?)
Melody completed within 3 hours. I stopped a minute for dinner and back on working at the lyrics. I wanted to express what I felt in this month which I got no response from the internet. I felt betrayed and abandoned by the world. My dream always seems that close, but I can never reach it.
'Where are you now? Was it all in my fantasy?' My dream is like a flower in the mirror
'Where are you now? Were you only imaginary?' A shape in a vision.
Or an underwater city.
'Where are you now, Atlantis?'
'Under the sea. Under the sea.'
'Another dream.' I really wanted to get approved by the crowds like Billie and Finneas.
'The monsters running wild inside of me.' I'm afraid of the feeling. I'm afraid of the world. I'm afraid of myself.
'I'm faded.' I'm totally faded.
When the song 'Faded' was finally done. It felt like riding a roller coaster of emotion when you dig deep in your feelings and put it into an emotional song. But I think I had told my story to the world through music instead of locking myself in a cage that I cannot get rid of.
A/N: What is up everybody. I feel a bit guilty for stealing 'Faded' from Alan Walker. But anyway, I just wanted to show you guys what Ilene's music would be like and I love the song. I might do that again in the future. Please don't be mad at me, plz.
