Jane And Austin

Chapter 15 - Austin

"Let's say we spent a beautiful day in London where we did everything we want. Don't you think it would have been way better in a place like... Rome..
Or Barcelona?"

"And what if we spent the day in Rome.. Or Barcelona?"

"That's what the trick is. Maybe, we could have enjoyed more at a hill station or the mountains and I know what your next question is. The possibilities of doing better things are endless and till that possibility exists, there cannot be a perfect day because not being the best is a flaw."

I waited for him to speak, but he didn't say anything, just carried a smirk as if it was trying to say, "I'll prove that you are wrong."

As we roared through different parts of the lake, for some time, all we did was to just look at each other and look away when it got a little awkward. "What is going to be your second wish?" I said and for a moment and he looked dubious and then said, "Is everything between you and Susan okay now?"

"Well, you were supposed to reply."

"And so were you." Ugh.

"It.." and before I could say another word, he said, "I know you aren't fine and I know it got worse."

"Then why did you ask and how do you know?"

"You've been worried for the whole time. You have my shoulder and, you know, you can say everything you want."

And I noticed, we were getting close to the shore. And then, I felt the tsunami of guilt flowing within me. I touched the water and I trembled. It had exceeded my expectations by a mile.

"I am sorry," I said. He stopped the boat and stared at me as my heart thumped.

"Sorry for?"

"I don't want to hurt you, but you know that's what comes with me. I didn't come here to be with you, Austin."

He was staring at his laps when I spoke. "Then?" He said.

"I am sorry. I only came here so that...
So that I could go and meet Susan and maybe, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have been here."

He didn't speak. He kept moving towards the shore and once again, I was perplexed. The tsunami of guilt within me was now taking the form of tears, but I didn't let them out. And when we were there, he got on the ground and then pulled the boat closer to him as well. He was still for a moment. Still nothing had been spoken and I felt that it was over and I knew I didn't deserve someone like him and in the midst of my anguish, a tear came down on my face, finally, followed by some more and I closed my eyes.

"It's okay," he said. He wiped the tears off my face when I opened my eyes.

"No, it is not." I couldn't muster up the courage to look into his eyes.

"The thing which matters is that you are here with me and we are having a good time, don't we?"

"I should have told you before."

"It is never too late," he said.

"What are you made of?" I said, looking at the grass on the ground while, 'it is never too late' echoed in my brain.

10:30 PM. Car. Front seat.
Still nervous, but this time the nervousness was far more. The letter was still there, still coming out of my pocket and I couldn't make out what was the perfect time to give it to him and I knew that when the letter would be with him, I would just keep reading the copy I had over and over again.

"What are your dreams?" It was surprising that I had to start the conversation.

"Dreams don't really come true."