Peter: *on the ceiling*
*Shuri walks around the corner, holding a plate of quernito*
Peter: "WAAH!"
Shuri: "AAH, stahhhp I could've dropped my croissahnt!"
=======
Rogue meeting
Steve: How do you know what's good for me?!
Tony: THAT'S MY OPINIOOON!!
Steve: *shocked face*
Peter and Shuri: *nodding*
========
Happy: "WHY DON'T WE JUST RELAAAX, TURN ON THE RADIO?! WOULD YOU LIKE M? OR PHMMM?!"
Peter, just asking about his day: "Alright! Sorry!"
==========
Peter, filling his webshooters: "This bitch empty, YEET!"
Tony, holding his head across the lab: "OW WTF WHY?!"
Peter: *yeets through the window*
Tony, still in pain: "Wait did he even put his websh- he did not."
=========
On a mission
Peter: *gets shot and stabbed* "MOTHERTRUCKER DUDE! That hurt like a buttcheek on a stiiick!"
Steve, in the far distance: "language."
Tony: *panicking*
=========
Peter and Ned: *pointing into the sky*
I wanna be a cowwwwboyyy baaabeee!
Shuri: Helll yeaaa!
Peter: *swinging in circles* I wanna be a cowboy babeh!
==========
Steve: *filming himself, pointing at all of the Avengers* What's better than this? Guys being dudes.
Wanda and Natasha: Wow okay.
========
Clint and Sam: *just talking*
Peter: *walking past, nodding heavily* twikle tweekle
Clint: *shoots Peter*
Tony: *chiming in from three stories below, crashing through the floor in the suit* BITCH DID YOU JUST-
========
Avengers: *cooking*
Shuri: *moves the bread to make space*
Peter: Take that bread, you fucking dick.
=======
Peter: *wakes up and stretches*
Good morning!
Sam and Clint: Good morning Peter!
Peter: Good mor- WHAT THE. TALKING BIRDSS!!!
Sam and Clint: You can't escape us!
(A/N thomas is soft bby and if you hurt him I will eviscerate you)
===========
Peter and Ned: *playing Slender*
Ned: Slendyyyy
Peter: Don't tempt him!
Ned: Slendyyyyyyyy
*Slender Man appears*
Peter: AAAAAH SOSNSOFHSLFJSOGHE RUN RUN RUN I HATE YOU I HATE YOU FFFFFFF
Ned: I'm sorry!
==========
Tony: *driving with Peter*
Tony: *sees a sign*
Tony: Road work ahead??? Bu-
Peter: UHM YEAH I SURE HOPE IT DOES
Tony: *nearly crashes the car*
==========
Clint: Hey I spilled lipstick in your bag.
Natasha: OH YOU SPILLED WHAOWHWH LIPSTICK IN MY VALENTINO WHITE BAG?!?!
==========
Peter: *playing the Sims*
If I had a house I would make every window glass.
Wanda: ........
Peter: I MEAN EVERY WALL!!
===========
Peter: "Hey, professor!" *kisses Harley*
Steve, also gay and finally understanding Vine: "STEP BACK I THINK I'M GONNA VOMIT." *kisses Bucky*
===========
Tony: "Petey you need to be more careful out there. You literally got stabbed in the stomach because you T- posed instead of fighting."
Peter: [still a little high from painkillers] "yOu nOt mY dAd! uGly aSs fuCKinG nOoDLe hEAd!"
Tony: *cries*
Peter: "I'm sorry."
===========
Natasha: *entering Peter's room* Hey паук, dinne-
Peter: Oh hi, thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garbaaage~!
Natasha: *tearing up* Listen up you precious fucking angel how dare you-
===========
Discussing Battle plan
Steve: "Pete why are you sad?"
Peter: "I just don't wanna bring the group down.."
Tony: "You only help to lift me up you sweet and sour misunderstood shadowling."
Peter: "I-..... What???"
Bruce: "Just nod and say yes.... He has a lot of love to give."
Tony: *lip trembling*
===========
Welp that's it for this chapter!
I hope you enjoyed!
Bye for now,
YOU ARE READING
Spiderson One-shots Whump
FanfictionSad Irondad oneshots! There's basically just Peter getting injured & dying. Most of this book will be a trigger warning, so please don't read anything I write (except for vine/crack fics) if you easily get triggered, I don't mind. Enjoy reading! I a...
