The River

Chapter 9 - Tension

Several weeks had passed since we discovered the truth about the yellow-eyed demon. Sam and Bobby had thrown themselves into research, trying to put together a trail of omens that would help us track Azazel down.

Dean chipped in here and there but he didn't seem to be the stick your nose deep into a book kind of guy. When he wasn't tinkering with my truck (which he had not had any luck getting running yet), he was cleaning their various weapons, or taking inventory of ammo and making more if needed.

I tried to help Sam and Bobby out where I could but I had never had to research something like this before, and it turned out that I wasn't very good at it. It wasn't until then that I realized how truly blessed I was to have my grandfather's archives on hand when I was first getting started.

We discovered that Azazel was after Sam and the others that are like him. Sam and Dean wouldn't let me in on exactly what they had in common until I found Sam lying on the floor one night, moaning in excruciating pain while holding his head. I grabbed him and screamed for help, which scared the hell out of Dean and Bobby. I was so freaked out that they finally spilled the beans on Sam's psychic premonitions. Sam told me how they had found others with similar stories and all of them possessed a psychic ability.

Over time, we finally started hunting again, only picking up on leads within a certain radius. We were too anxious to go across the country in case Bobby found something while we were gone (even though that had yet to happen), so we only ever traveled a couple of states in either direction. We had been successful on several hunts against many different hell spawns while we planned our move against Azazel.

It felt so good to be hunting again. It was exhilarating to push my body to the brink of exhaustion and kill as many evil sons of bitches as I possibly could along the way. It was all I had known since I was fourteen years old. I was proud of my skills that I had developed over the past nine years and I could tell the Winchesters were impressed at my abilities. I managed to save their asses a couple of times so far.

Dean had gotten badly beaten on one hunt and I was pissed. He had barged in without thinking and tried to go after the thing head-on. We nearly took a loss because Sam and I had no other choice but to abandon our cover and the plan to help him. I screamed at him about how hunting isn't about using sheer brute force but to be creative and plan ahead to outsmart the damn thing. Dean had scoffed and rolled his eyes at me. Sam chuckled and had said, "The Colt bloodline will remain alive and well as long as you're around."

As pissed as I was, I still ended up in Dean Winchester's bed, as I did every single night...

Since that one night I had allowed myself to be vulnerable with him, the nightmares hadn't stopped. I went to sleep on Bobby's couch every night and my dreams would be vivid, filled with blood and guts peppered over the home of my childhood memories. I would wake up panting and sweating with tears in my eyes. That's when I would creep my way up the stairs to the spare room Dean was staying in.

From night one, he had welcomed me with open arms. I would snuggle under the old quilts into his chest and he would wrap his arms securely around me with his chin resting on the top of my head. We would sleep like that until sunrise, which was when I would sneak back out before anyone else in the household stirred.

We never spoke about it and during the day we kept up our normal routines, even though I knew just how far from my normal I was. I knew just how much I was relying on him to keep me whole and it was way scarier than any of the evil spawns we faced on a day-to-day basis.

Because I needed Dean Winchester in my life and I had regretted it ever since. It was terrifying for me to need someone the way I needed him, and I vowed to myself many years ago that I would never do this. The very first lesson this life taught me was that if you let someone get close enough to matter - to mean something to you... then it gave them the power to break you. Not just the person themselves but every demon bred out of hell would exploit it. The vulnerability was a weakness I had never intended to have again since I lost my family. But here I was...

The worst part of it all was I had no idea if I meant the same to him as he did to me. That was more terrifying than anything any demon could do to me.

✡️✡️✡️

I finally tuned back into Sam and Dean's arguing. We were on a case hunting down a vampire's nest in Nebraska. I was laying in the back seat trying to catch a couple of hours of sleep but between the boys bickering and my own petty problems, sleep just wasn't in the cards for me.

I sat back up just as Dean cranked up the stereo to drown out whatever Sam was about to say. Sam sighed and turned to look out the window instead. Although I hadn't been paying attention, I knew the source of the argument was the yellow-eyed demon. It was the cause of all their stress recently and over the past few weeks, tensions had grown so thick that it was nearly suffocating.

I reached forward from the back seat and switched off the stereo. Dean was about to object but I smacked his hand away. "Why don't we find a bar to grab a beer," I suggested. "Let's blow off some steam."

Dean rolled his eyes but spotted a bar just up the street we were on, so he pulled into the parking lot and gave me a long look through the rearview mirror before getting out. Sam and I followed suit and stepped out of the vehicle. I gave him a reassuring smile before following Dean into the bar.

We each got a beer and took a seat at a small table in the back corner of the bar. It wasn't too crowded but a few people were mingling throughout the place. The music was low enough that we could still speak at a normal volume.

Sam was in the middle of saying something when I heard a familiar melody playing from the speakers overhead. I immediately stiffened and felt sweat start to come over me.

She never mentions the word addiction

In certain company.

Yes, she'll tell you she's an orphan

After you meet her family.

"I'll be back," I stammered as I jumped up from the table. Sam and Dean started to get up, obviously concerned about whatever was going on with me. I figured my face looked green.

"Stay," I panted as I frantically searched for the closest exit. There was a fire escape door just off the bathroom door and I practically ran to it, escaping just before the next verse started.

I found myself in a dark alley, home to the dumpsters of the neighboring businesses. I had my back pressed against the brick wall as I noisily gasped for air.

I felt at my pockets for my pack of cigarettes but I had left them in the back seat of the Impala. I started towards the parking lot as vivid memories of my father playing his guitar filled my head.

I could picture myself as a little girl lying in my bed as he played the beautiful melody to me as my personal lullaby. My memories then flashed to a slightly older girl, walking home with the same guitar strapped to her back. She was happily humming and singing along to the same tune because she had finally mastered it in her latest lesson. She was practically skipping with excitement because she couldn't wait to show her father the accomplishment, to see a beaming smile light up his face.

She didn't know at the time that she would never witness that smile that instantly warmed her heart again.

I tore open the door to Dean's car, frantically feeling across the back seat in the dark for the cigarette pack. I just put my hand on the pack when something grabbed me from behind and spun me around. I came face to face with a set of vampire fangs, hissing at me.

"Get the fuck off me," I shrieked. I quickly rolled out of the vamp's grip and landed a punch across its jaw. I immediately kicked it straight in the kneecap and the thing cried out before falling to the ground.

I was about to turn to the trunk to grab a machete but within a fraction of second, I felt a hand clasp over my mouth from behind and a strong scent burned at my throat and made my eyes fill with unprecedented tears. I could only manage a quiet plea before the world slipped away around me.