Before We Turn to Stone

Season 16, Episode 24: Make Them Gold

"We are made up of our mistakes,

We are falling but not alone.

We will take the best parts of ourselves

And make them gold.

We are made of the smallest stars,

We are breathing and letting go.

We will take the best parts of ourselves

And make them gold."

* * *

The light in the bedroom is pre-dawn gray when something gentle pulls Izzie out of sleep.

At first, she thinks it's Alexis, but no, Alexis is curled up under Izzie's chin, sound asleep. Her next thought is Eli, but like his sister, he's still snuggly and snoozing in a tangle of her sheets.

She opens her eyes to see Alex crouched by the side of the bed, studying his sleeping family. He's dressed and his duffel is waiting at his feet.

"Hey," she whispers. "You about ready to go?"

He shakes his head. "Yeah, but... I don't want to."

She stretches out a hand and lays it on his cheek. He turns his face to kiss the palm of her hand; she still gets a joyful thrill each time he kisses her.

"It's just for a few days," she reminds him. "I think it'll help."

"Yeah... maybe."

He glances away from her to the kids. "I'll call them every night."

"I know you will."

"Give them a kiss for me when they wake up."

"Of course."

He pushes up to his feet and leans over for a kiss. He lingers over her for a minute, pressing their foreheads together.

"I love you, Iz. I love our family."

"We love you back."

He leaves quietly. A few moments later she hears an unfamiliar car drive him away.

* * *

Even after only six weeks, Seattle feels like a place he used to know rather than the home he had for fifteen years. He leaves SEATAC and is immediately greeted by a cool mist on his face. The bank of clouds overhead is pillowy and low, and the wind is straight off the bay, carrying the scent of cold and salt. He immediately finds himself missing the glossy stretch of sky in Kansas, the way it folds itself all the way down to the horizon, and the smell of sun-drenched grass. Strange; he didn't think he was a fan of Kansas until this very second.

He goes to Bailey's house first.

Ben answers the door and claps him on the back, which is encouraging.

"How dead am I?" Alex asks Ben in an undertone as they walk down the hall.

He gets a rolling shrug and a lopsided grin in return. "Maybe not as dead as you'd be if they hadn't just hired Hayes... but less dead than you'd be if you'd stayed."

Alex grins back. "Yeah, that's about what I expected."

Bailey is in their kitchen, dumping a series of fruits into a huge, gleaming blender. She looks unsurprised to see him – which is not to suggest she seems happy to see him. In fact, he's pretty sure she intentionally makes and holds eye contact with him the minute she pushes the GRIND button on her food processor.