What I Want

Nothing

If you woke up and I was dead would you go to my funeral?

Would it be hard or easy for you?

Would you blame yourself because we talk, but you know it's not a lot? Because you know how I feel?

That's basically the only thing stopping me. If heaven and hell are real, I wouldn't wanna watch you- from wherever I end up- get all dressed up just to blame yourself. I wouldn't want you to see me that way either. I don't wanna make you cry, only smile.

But sometimes i need to cry and I dont know if I can go to you. I don't know if I annoy you or take up a lot of your time. I don't know how you look at me cuz I can't look you in the eye anymore. Every time I do I wanna bawl my eyes out, but I run away before you can notice. I don't want you to see me like that. I wanna be strong in front of you, but its hard. It's really hard sometimes.

If it ever happens and you're there I won't ask you not to cry, but I don't want you to cry if you never cared before I left.