What I Want

Waiting

I'm waiting for the day you tell me to go away and leave you alone. I know I might be overbearing right now, but you're really the only person who will give me the time of day.

Right now I have no one. I'm not important enough on their lists of people for them to care about how I'm feeling. They won't 'text first' because it makes them seem 'desperate'. I wont text first because I don't know if they want to hear from me. I don't know who sees my contact on their screen and rolls their eyes or sighs or has to take a minute to consider if they even want to know what I have to tell them.

Maybe you roll your eyes. Maybe you sigh. Maybe it takes you a minute to consider if you even want to know what I have to tell you.

In the end you always answer me. In the end you always smile when we talk. In the end you send memes to me without being asked. In the end you treat me the same as others.

Yes, I can admit you're attractive, anyone would say so. But the reason I feel this way is because I've never felt so normal in my life.

Growing up was hell for me because I was always different: I looked different, talked different, understood things different, liked different things. Kids didn't like me very well. All they knew was that girls were supposed to like riding horses, have curly blonde hair, and watch ICarly. There wasn't room for the fat girl with straight hair that watched anime and listened to japanese music.

But when I met you, even though I hated you at first, I got to know you and you got to know me and you didn't put me down. You didn't call me weird even though I'm still different and you never judged my obsession with K-pop idols and let's confess right now that it is an obsession. You had no comments about my weight or my lack of real world experience. I'm not really smart unless it's stuff I can read from a book and I know that and you seem to realize that. But still, you don't point out my weaknesses like everyone else has my entire life.

I'm just so relieved to hear someone say something new about me. I'm glad to have someone realize I'm not perfect and to not expect perfection from me. I'm glad I can be myself around you and relax; I can make mistakes and be embarrassed about it but move on. You realize that's how I need to figure things out and I'm glad you have the patience for me.

So, if you ever get to know that I'm not just interested in how you look, I'll be waiting.