Skating With The Hockey Player.

The Invevitable

Ice Skating or An Education. I can't choose between them. Skating is something I do because I love it, and I don't coach kids because I need the money. I do it because it is the one thing that keeps me stable. I'm anxious again. I always get so goddamn anxious when faced with a difficult decision. I chew on the inside of my lip. The nerves of my mouth bleed and my tastebuds overflow with the penny like substance. "Ms.Brooke, I'll need to know by the end of the day." I'm two years away from graduation. I know I haven't devoted myself to school but that's only because I expected more. The classes don't fulfill my desires. So I make my decision now. "That time won't be necessary. Thank you for what you've given me. I will no longer be attending this school." I  stand up and walk out. There is a screen play writer job interview available for me in a week, but I don't want it anymore. At least now I have more time to spend at the rink. Walking over to my locker, I don't feel regretful. This could be a good decision. I need to skate. I'm overwhelmed. For so long I shut off my emotions about the past. I didn't think about what my mother allowed to happen to me. I tried to forget Robert's heavy eyes watching me as he pushed further and further into me. The tears will forever be embedded into my mind. The aching pain of my eight year old thighs. I pushed it away for so long, and now I'm exploding. This was inevitable though. I knew eventually I'd hurt again. Since skating is the only thing that makes me feel better, after I clear out
my locker and get into my car, I drive over to the rink. They're open twenty four hours, and if I didn't occasionally need sleep, I'd skate for each one of them. I greet Nicole on the way in. Putting my skates on, I notice a man on the ice. That's unusual. I rarely ever see a man alone here. Caring for others doesn't come easy to me, so I move on and skate alone. But skating around him, he starts to get in my way. He falls every two seconds, and the man looks like he can't even walk let alone skate. Focus, Addison. Just skate. I glide forward and fast. I started skating at ten years old, and that's why I'm so good at it. I never had a coach, but I always knew I would want to interact with others on the ice. That is how I met Danielle. She's not a friend, but she's not an enemy either. She is someone I occasionally talk to, and skate next to. She is too professional for me, though. Especially since she's training for the olympics and heading to nationals. I'm good at skating. I'm not good enough to be in nationals. She sees me and skates over. "You look awfully mad today, per usual." "Hey Dan." I try to smile. I'm always aware of my resting bitch face, I don't hide that. "Rudy's looking extra good today." She points to the poorly skating man and the friend he's now accompanied by. "Go over to him then." I suggest. I'm not good at dating advice. I haven't ever been in a relationship. Freshman year of high school I had my first kiss, and haven't had anything romantic since then. It's hard to open up to someone when you've been taken advantage of. But meeting a man is the least of my worries. Danielle, however, is obsessed with Rudy. He has blonde hair and green eyes, and is buff as shit. That's her exact type. She usually gets any guy she goes for since she's a tall ginger with perfect skin. I'm not that. I'm not the girl who stands out. I don't light up a room when I walk into it. I'm basic and simple. That's okay though. Sometimes it's better off to be invisible, than to be seen and disrespected. I dip into a skating squat and begin to swirl backwards when I nearly crash into a tall figure. He gets a hold of me, so I don't fall. "I didn't need your help." I say. "You could've said thank you." He replies. I look into his eyes and recognize him. That smug prick is the one that approached me and acted like a freak at my locker this morning. "Watch where you're going next time." I roll my eyes and skate off the ice. I need a shower and a warm meal. I'm a bit freezing, and I'm a little shaken up. I may be rude, but I don't like confrontation. "Hey!" He shouts in my direction. "Please god please god please god." I whisper. I'm always so scared of what men in this world are capable of. I'm always so scared...
"Slow down!" He jogs behind me and meets me at the bench. "Are you okay?" He asks. "Am I okay? No you just chased me!" I yell. "I'm sorry." He lowers his voice. His tone becomes gentle and sweet. One of his eyes is brown and the other is blue. Wow, I've never seen something like that. I didn't even know two different colored eyes existed. Maybe it's okay to let down one layer of the wall I have up. "It's okay. I overreact to a lot of things. I'll admit, I was a bitch towards you. I'm sorry." "Alright. Well you can make it up to me." He says, his eyes concentrated on mine. "How so?" I work through my anxiety and fear while speaking. "Coach me for a session. Three years ago I was a professional hockey player for the biggest team in Vermont. And today I could barely stand up straight out there. I need help, and I won't take no for an answer. You'll get five hundred dollars just for today." "I have a feeling you won't stop until you get what you want." I roll my eyes. "Nope." He raises his eyebrows and a dimple pops up in his cheek as he smiles. It's a nice smile. One I'm sure many girls get caught up in. "I'll teach you for today. But I don't want your money, and you can't ask for another session." "Deal." He puts out his hand and I don't shake it. I gather my things and step onto the ice. "What is your name?" He asks.
"Addison Brooke."
"I don't like it."
"What?"
"I don't like Addison. I'll call you Brooke."
"You can't just rename me because you don't like it."
"Okay Brooke."
"What's your name?"
"Hunter Haynes."
"I don't like it either. You sound like a roadman. I'll call you Haynes, like the underwear brand. Follow me." I take his hand and allow him to rely on my arms for stability. I scan his body for injuries. None of them are noticeable. "Your legs are weak and your feet are skating in the opposite direction. That's why you can't stand up for more than five seconds." "Makes sense. I went to physical therapy for my legs. You would think I'd be able to skate by now."
"What happened to you?" I ask.
He stiffens up and I could see my question has made him uncomfortable. "I got into a car accident and broke my right knee. It's been a year."
"Oh. That's horrible."
Another thing about me; I don't feel bad for others. There are rarely ever any cases where I cry or pity people for what they've been through. We've all been through something. There's no point in wallowing in it. "Hold onto my hips." I turn around and put my backside against him. He looks surprised. "Oh come on, just do it." He holds onto my hips and I bend down and skate with him attached to me. I'm skating straight, and he doesn't seem to be struggling which means he is too. "Follow my lead." I skate onwards and outwards and feel the front of his skate clink with the back of mine. If he falls, I fall. But I actually trust him. Partially because I remember when the Vermont Vultures were a hit. I read an article that said "The famous hockey team has crashed and burned, alongside Haynes and his skating career." His name rang that bell. I get lost in thought and he trips me. We tumble down and hit the ice, hard. I take a breath and get up. "And that's exactly why I didn't want to coach you." I tell him, leaving him alone. It wasn't my fault the man couldn't follow a simple instruction. I'm not his coach and I'm certainly not his mommy. I don't help people up when they fall. I can barely help myself up. I take my skates off, grab my bag, and go outside. Getting into my car, Danielle approaches me. I close the door hoping to not have to speak with her. "What you did back there was rude, Addison." "The guy fell. He's a big boy, he can stand up." "You're acting like a bitch." "Well, it takes one to know one." I drive off. I'm upset. I don't get upset often, usually I'm numb. But I'm not a bitch for no reason. It's not my fault some stranger fell on my account. He should've never asked for my help.
When I finally do get home,
I'm relieved to be turning the key to my apartment. I can't wait to be by myself again. I need quiet.
And then I see her.
Her.
The woman who destroyed me.
My Mother.